You walk up to the counter, you tell them your name, and they direct you to the bathroom. This bathroom holds a small little cup....that you are supposed to hold in your hand in places you haven't seen in months.
|Don't worry - it is not used.|
Seriously. They don't furnish you with gloves to your elbow....they don't give you a funnel....or a bed pan. Nope. They expect you to neatly pee in a cup! With this belly in the way, all I have to say is HOW ON EARTH am I supposed to accomplish this task?!?!?
Having women all around the country going to the bathroom on themselves?
Do the nurses watch the waddling masses heft themselves into the bathroom and sit back and snicker?
Or, are they in cahoots with the cup manufacturer to design the smallest cup possible for them to use?
I don't know if there is some big conspiracy against women with bowling balls on their abdomens....but I am pretty sure there is.
I also have no idea who thought putting the scale in the main hallway was a good idea. Where the nurse has to verify your weight...out loud and check it against your last weigh in...and then (at least in my case) she raises an eyebrow and makes some snide remark to the effect of "How has your time with Ben and Jerry been this month?"
All because I gained 5 lbs when I supposed to gain 4. Yes, you read that right.
Personally, I don't even like Ben and Jerry's ice cream....I'm a Starbucks Java Chip girl....but that isn't the point. The point is this: My personal space hasn't existed for 5 years now. I also haven't slept through the night in 5 years. I am tired. I am spending my days running after 3 beans who seem to have limitless energy. I am keeping a house....even mowing the lawn! If I want to sit on my fat butt at the end of the day and enjoy a little java chip ice cream....I should be allowed.
I don't need to go to the doctor to pee on myself and then be criticized for my weight gain...all I have to do is sneeze or cough, and then get one of the beans to look at the number on the scale at home (I can't see over my stomach) and say something loving like "MOMMY!! I don't know how to count that high."
(Yes, actual quote)
So, String Bean, Jumping Bean, Bitty Bean, and Boy Bean....this is to tell you your mama loves you a lot. Now, where is my spoon???