It amazes me how each little step is so very exciting...because your little one is growing up....and how each little step brings a touch of nostalgia and melancholy...because your little one is growing up.
I know in the moments of extreme trial - the-no-sleep-newborn-phase, the-I-must-do-it-myself!-phase, the-learning-independence-phase, the-potty-training-phase (need I go on???) - the "next step" looks beautiful and fabulous and oh-so-much-easier than whatever I am facing at the moment. But it isn't. Each phase has its challenges...but each phase extreme amounts of blessing in it as well. I know I've only been at this 5 years - but I think I'm starting to get a grip on savoring the seconds....the easy ones...and especially the hard ones.
The discomfort of pregnancy...the exhaustion of middle of the night feedings...the power struggles of toddler will...the messes of potty training....the accidents....the spills...the dirty windows...the constant laundry...the repetitive teaching...the wake ups....the training...
It is a never-ending list...of gifts and blessings. The hard part is registering it.
I messed that up today...Jumping Bean had an accident and I lost it. I was so very upset at her...and I shouldn't have been. My schedule was upset...my plan was thrown off....but she had not meant to do wrong! That is why it is called an accident! When I apologized to her for yelling...her little eyes welled up with tears and she said, "Its okay Mommy. I forgive you. But it did make my heart sad."
I'm sure one day I'll look back on these years and wish they were all home so I could hug away their tears or bandage their hurts. The trouble is sometimes its hard to see the gifts for the struggles.
Back to the Milestone of last night...Bitty Bean turned 16 months yesterday! And I thought it was as good a night as any to try out her big-girl bed. So my itty bitty baby girl curled up in her big girl bed...in the big girl room...and slept. She was so excited to sleep in the same room as String Bean and Jumping Bean. And I was thrilled! But I was also sad. The nursery was empty. The monitor silent.
It was a moment. A marker passing time. My baby is growing up.
|Bitty Bean in her big girl bed - hugging her Daddy pillow|
Sad and happy at the same time...pretty much sums up Motherhood.