Thursday, October 21, 2010

The "Club"


Military Spouse.



Ahh, the "clubs" I am in. Each one is a huge blessing...and can be a horrible burden. Each one brands me. Claims me. Labels me. Truly, each one is wonderful! But there are times...

Being "mommy" does not automatically give you friends...or community. Staying home can mean days on end with only a small baby as company. Being married to the military often means your best friend must be half a world away doing their job. Being a follower of Jesus Christ can cause people to brand you with their past encounters.

In this world...these clubs I am in can tally up to quite a bit of loneliness. It takes an amazing amount of effort to make that psychological shift from career-woman to at-home-mama. It can cause resentment. Anger. Bitterness. And vast amounts of guilt. You don't get discharged from the hospital with your newborn and a ready-made set of friends.

It is unlike any other job...because your job does not automatically introduce you to people. Or have you interacting with others on a daily basis.

Motherhood can cause you to draw up into yourself...and allow your world to just become you and baby. Not good. Moving with the military can cause you to hold people at a distance..since you will be moving again anyway. It can keep you focusing on who-you-miss, instead of on who-you-can-meet. 

Motherhood....military life....Christianity....not places for people to go it alone! We all need support. We need encouragement. We need to talk with someone who has been there and survived. 

The Older woman who also had a baby with colic...and made it through.

The veteran military wife who handled moves and loneliness and figuring out the new-normal over and over again...and is glad she did.

The person who has battled their demons...and struggled...and fought...and yet has come through by the Grace of God to Praise the Creator.

These people are who I must surround myself with. Because I am not an island. I don't know it all. I need to know I am not alone in whatever situation I am facing. And I need to know that I can make it through. This is not the end of the world.

The poop explosions will one day stop; the orders will always change; the duty station can always be good; devotions will be more than 2 second prayers one day; sleep will happen again.

When that day comes - I want to look back and BE that woman that encouraged me...challenged me...helped me keep the right perspective...for someone who is like me right now. 

Because whether you want to be there or not...all of us are in a "club."

Copyright 2010


  1. Oh, Yes, Whitney! Christian women of all stripes need each other. I trust you are not only finding those, but being one. I remember the lonely days of being different because I sent my children to a Christian school, thus was always financially strapped, and a farmer's wife in a "city church" and so was cumbered by a more strenuous schedule than my city friends. It was hard, but we made it and lasting friendships to boot. I also grew up in a pastor's home and moved frequently. What that did for me was make it easier to meet new people, and reach out beyond myself for others who were feeling strange in a new place. I went to three different elementary schools and three different high schools! It did mean that I had a hard time making LASTING friendships when we settled down, but that has come as well. I had four children in 6 years, too, so that part I can really relate to. God bless you, my dear. Jane McKay

  2. thinking about Bible study? :) I've been thinking that too. . . all the time lately!

  3. Jane -I hope I am being one...but I thankfully have many to follow! I am overwhelmed at times by the insightful question or desperately needed is amazing how the Spirit can direct a person in such tangible ways! I would always appreciate your prayers. :)
    I just recently registered that we will have 4 children 5 and under...and no multiple pregnancies! Am I crazy???
    Caroline - This Bible Study on the Pastoral Epistles has been wonderful!! I am truly thankful for the topic, the impetus to read them, and the insight of the other women.


Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement!