Thursday, October 14, 2010

No time to paint....

"Love doesn't keep a record of lets moves on - 
Oh and time moves by too fast - to keep painting pictures of the past."
Warren Barfield: Pictures of the Past
As I've been reminiscing over the past 7 years as a wife...I've realized the importance of not keeping a record of wrongs.  The verse from 1 Cor. 13 was read at our wedding...but I had no idea the impact it would have on our marriage and relationship.

It is so very easy to get caught up in tallying what I've done vs. what he's done....and then determining who's gonna pay up. It doesn't have to be a record of horrible deep wounds - although that shouldn't happen either! - it could just be a record of careless words, thoughtless moments, laziness, forgetfulness....simple things like the dirty laundry always ending up on the floor NEXT to the hamper - never making the bed - not cleaning out the car.

A tally of how many hours of sleep we each got in the week to determine who wins the treat of waking up slowly on Saturday morning. 

It could be things that don't seem like a record...yet I want him to pay up to balance it out. 

Keeping track of whatever he's done...or not done...or should do...or could do....and then lording it over him.

Not exactly the recipe for a happy, healthy, loving, marriage - or relationship.

Yet, I find I have to constantly combat this thought process in all my relationships. Love isn't about how much they give me - it is a free gift I have given them.

I am not advocating that horrible behavior be allowed in the name of love, please don't misunderstand me. 

Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs....what an amazing concept. It beautifully illustrates what Christ did for us - and it challenges me to be a better model for my children, my family, and my friends.

To be completely honest - there have been times I had to leave my Bible open to these verses...and out on the counter or the table...and make myself go back and re-read them every time the replay of the offense came up. Some days that would mean only once...other days...other would be countless times for weeks. Or months.

But, eventually, that record would no longer be kept. It would stop replaying in my mind. I could see the positive in that person...or situation...or whatever it was.  It wasn't easy. It wasn't fun. But it was worth every single moment of forcing myself to see the good and not just the hurt. To see the person as just one other human being Christ died for - and not as just the cause of my pain.

The constant battle against reliving past hurts...past very, very hard. But in the end - replaying the hurt is mainly just hurting yourself. Over and over again. And that is no cake walk either.

Time is just zipping by...better put that "past" paintbrush away...and treasure the moments I have in front of me.

Copyright 2010


  1. ouch. I SO do this with my husband...the tally thing...oh ya. I kinda have this "look how much time I put in with the kids" mentality, therefore you owe me x,y and z. seriously ouch. gonna have to mull that one over....thanks a lot Holy Spirit Junior ;)
    actually, seriously, thank you, I needed a kick in the pants on that one!!

  2. I needed/need the kick in the pants....i'm glad it spoke to you too though! :)


Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement!