Chore time!

Confession: I am not super woman.

Now, if you know me, this should not be surprising. If you don't know me - you should also not be surprised. I cannot do it all.  I melt sometimes. I cry often. I like a clean house but it often explodes upon itself...

Clothes magically fly from their bins and disperse around the room. Toys are ejected from their buckets and strewn on the floor. Dishes are constantly dirty. Goobers are always tracked in. Coats are never hung.  

I know I have 4 young children, but this mess was going to cause a mental breakdown (which would not be hard since I'm borderline crazy already). 

In short, I either needed to 

1. hire a maid 

2. get rid of EVERYTHING in our home 

3. teach my children about being a part of this family. 

I picked number 3.

I've had my people make their beds (as well as they are able) since they could pick up their blankie. They know where all the toys go. They know it is a "pull one toy out/put one toy back" kind of house. 

Which is not as neat as it sounds...because I have 4 children. It can get dicey at times. 
Although they do work it out eventually. 
I think they can safely put "mediator" on all of their resumes one day. 

We have had chore charts in the past...but, honestly, I lacked the self-discipline to keep up with it. Training children is often just as much about training mommy. 

So far, this has been a fabulous routine for us. 

Today is our second day.

But - I'm happy. The house is being tended. The Big girls are happy. And the little two are DYING for me to get to their chores!

I'd say that is an overall win. 

Here is the nitty-gritty....

1. I get stressed out VERY easily when trying to teach a child to do something that I could do in 30 seconds....and 30 minutes later it is finally accomplished...poorly. 

2. I get even MORE annoyed if I'm trying to teach more than one at the same time. (And yes, a post on how home schooling went down "for real" should probably be written.)

SO...I changed how I introduced the charts. In the past, I've gone nuclear and introduced a chart/system to all children at the same time with all of their chores on it and spent an entire day educating them on how to do everything. 

Not very effective. 

Yesterday morning, I showed Jumping Bean (5 1/2) her chart. Just her. String Bean was already at school and Bitty Bean and Boy Bean were watching a show. We went over every item together. Most of the things she already is supposed to do - and has been taught - but struggles to remember. Those are:

Make bed

Put away clothes (jams, dirty clothes, clean laundry)

Brush teeth

Pick up toys (in room and one other room throughout the day)

Homework

AWANA (study verses every day)

The new chore yesterday?

Take out the bathroom trash. Every morning. 

I went over the procedure and had her do it yesterday. Today she did it perfectly. :)

So this morning, we added in:

Bathroom Sink - she is responsible for their bathroom sink and trash. Once she masters that, we will add other things I know she can handle. But right now, I want her to  

- get into the routine of doing her chores

- find success in accomplishing her jobs well

- pay attention to her specific areas and know what they are to look like clean. 

Jumping Bean LOVES it. LOVES the stickers. Loves being in charge.
Loves knowing how to do something and no one else can touch her job. :)

Last night, it was String Bean's turn. She is 7 1/2 and can handle more. (Jumping Bean will get more eventually - but I am not going to overwhelm her at the moment) So, she has a similar "normal chore" list:

Make bed

Put away clothes

Brush teeth (why is that so hard to remember???)

Pick up toys

Homework

AWANA

New Chores explained last night?

Downstairs bathroom (Lysol wipe the toilet, spray the bowl with cleaner, clean bowl with toilet brush. Wipe down the sink - at the moment just a wipe, eventually it will be with cleaner. Check the toilet paper levels - reload if necessary. Make sure the towel is clean and tidy.)

Dishwasher (Unload clean dishes before school - as much as time allows. Load dishwasher with the dishes from one meal of the day)

Bring kid laundry basket downstairs every morning

String Bean LOVES it. Everything about it. The responsibility. The helping. The stickers. And also loves knowing how to do something in the house and nobody else can do it. :)   In fact, as soon as String Bean walked in the door after school she said, "I've gotta check my toilet! Want to keep it clean!"

Tomorrow, I will work with Bitty Bean on her chart, it will include the same normal chores (minus homework) and cleaning the mirror in their bathroom. 

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with Boy Bean...he WILL have a chart - I'm just not sure yet what it will consist of.

Courtesy of My Love leaving, I really NEED the kids to pitch in - I can't float being both parents and keeping up the house. And the kids know that. I'm thankful they want to help - and I feel bad that I've not drawn them in to aid with the house more often. It is normally me prodding and harassing and begging them to clean - but with it clearly explained and written out, that seems to be much less of an issue. 

They do not get paid for the chores on the chore chart. 

They are a part of this family, and need to participate in our upkeep. I know there are many people who do pay for chores - and I have no issue with that. But we don't.

In the next week (or so) I will make a list of EXTRA chores - and the amount they will earn for doing them. Those will be things that can be done ONLY if your regular chores are completed, and will be kept in a separate place. (Guess I'll have to write about that later, huh?)  

Oh - one final thing: Chores are to be done both QUICKLY and HAPPILY. If I have to hound you - or you stomp about and do it with a nasty attitude - there will be no reward. No sticker. No money. 

Hopefully, I'll be able to keep up with this - because I am a million times happier when I'm not doing it all!  

Isn't that why you have kids anyway? 

To make yourself happy?  ha!

~Whitney Copyright 2013

A milestone...

Last week, I wrote a post to My Little Dude on his 2nd birthday. This birthday was kinda a big deal. A big deal that wasn't fully registered until Sunday. (And then it really wasn't processed until yesterday)

Turning 2 meant my Boy Bean adventured out of the baby nursery...and on to the toddler side. He is now in an actual Sunday School class. He's with big kids. He is in the same class as Bitty Bean. And he LOVED it. (So I gather, he still isn't saying much)

But it was oddly challenging for me. This is why: Sunday was the first day in 7 and a half years that I didn't put a baby in the baby nursery. You would think it wouldn't be challenging - and it wasn't.  But it was. It is like every single phase - full of hope and excitement and nervousness for what will come; tinged with sadness knowing certain things will never happen again with my sweet beans.

I know the day is coming - speeding towards me - where my little beans won't be little. When they will no longer need to be tucked in at night. When their soft, little hands won't seek mine when they are nervous, or frightened, or scared. The diaper bag is being replaced with the backpack, the ballet bag, and sports gear.

In fact, this Sunday was full of another milestone - our String Bean had her ears pierced. She's growing up too. She's no longer that little baby girl I knew.

And I'm happy. I'm thankful for the gift of watching my little people grow up. I ache for those who don't have any more moments to hope for in this life.

And I'm sad. Because these next moments will disappear as fast as the last ones...maybe faster. I will turn around one day, and these sweet little ones that fill all my moments and need me and want me...they will no longer be little. They will be off on their own adventures and I'll be left with them filling my heart and not my home. They will be capable to handle their needs and, hopefully, some of their wants.

How do they grow so fast?

I'm also sad because I know there will be numerous milestones reached over the next year  - and My Love will miss them. When he returns from his deployment, most likely, every child will be in a new phase. And we won't get those seconds back.

Parenthood, such a perfect pairing of happy and sad. 

Of overflowing, heartbreaking, LOVE.

~Whitney
 Copyright 2013

Cocoa Bean Moment

I've had the gift of two special moments with my String Bean this past week...and I have to share!

In one 24 hour period last week, the man-child was possessed by the devil. He would not nap - he woke up hyperactive at midnight - didn't go back to sleep till 3 - and then was ready to kick the day in the teeth at 5 am.

I was tired. 

Add in that he and Bitty Bean had temporary onset of being deaf to my voice.

And Jumping Bean was on obedience strike. 

And Bitty Bean cried/wailed/screamed for the majority of that time. 

I was bone tired.
I was exhausted physically and mentally.
(Remember - My Love is still 3 weeks from returning home)

Wednesday night, String Bean slept with me - we went to bed at the same time and talked and snuggled. It was a special time just being together. She knew I was tired and that the other 3 children had depleted every resource I had.

So, in the morning, when Boy Bean woke up - String Bean heard him before me.  She got up and quietly led him downstairs. She put a tv show on for him...and the other sisters as they joined him on the couch. She got herself ready for school. She made her breakfast. She made her bed and picked up her clothes. She stayed completely on schedule.

I woke up at 7:30 and catapulted out of bed - we have to be at the bus stop by 7:55!  When I came downstairs and saw that my sweet girl had taken care of everything - I was flabbergasted.

That girl is totally awesome.

I pulled her aside and told her very clearly, "You are now my favorite child of all time."

She said, "I know."

"We're all your favorites!"

Then, last night, after picking chunky puke out of the carpet - it sprayed an area the size of Rhode Island; mopping the throw-up off the bathroom floor; wiping the spray off the bathroom door; and stripping 2 beds...she climbed in bed with me again.

As she lay there with a cold compress on her head, holding my hand, she said, "Mommy, I'm so glad you can take care of me."

"Me too." I replied. "What a gift it is that I get to be with you and take care of you."

"Mommy, what do the little children do who don't have a Mommy and Daddy to love them and care for them? Who helps them when they get sick? Are they all alone?"  And she started crying at such an awful thought.

I joined right in with her.

I talked with her about our friends who are foster parents and adoptive parents. How God sets the lonely in families. How sometimes the children stay alone - even when they are sick. Or how some children may be with their mommy and daddy - but aren't safe and loved and cared for.

That is when she said,
"Why did God pick me to have it so good? I don't think I thank Him enough."

So, last night, God used my 7 year old munchkin to challenge me. To change my perspective. To say again,

Why did God pick me to have it so good? 

I don't think I thank Him enough.

And that, is a sweet moment indeed.

~Whitney

 Copyright 2012

Rock Star

So, you know those parenting moments where you are like "YEAH! I am TOTALLY AWESOME!!!"

You know the kind where the children are angelic and the entire evolution turns out BETTER than you imagined?

Well, tonight was not that night.

(Last night was though!)

Backstory...

For the first time in the history of me being a mother...we are doing an Advent calendar. I grew up with an Advent calendar full of chocolate and remember LOVING it. So, I thought I'd do something similar for my beans...but with a twist.

Twist 1 - candy only happens on, like, 3 days.
Twist 2 - there are activities, service to others, special memory making moments, and a couple gifts, scattered throughout the 24 days.

To put tonight in perspective, you need to know that Saturday (day 1) was a home run. I mean the kids LOVED opening the box full of envelopes and seeing what the day would hold.

"Write a letter/draw a picture for someone you love who DOESN'T live in our house"

They raced to the box of paper and crayons and sat down to create...Bitty Bean chose her Sunday School teachers, Jumping Bean choose her kindergarten teacher, String Bean chose her 2nd grade teacher, and Boy Bean picked his Papa. (For real - he pointed at his picture and said "yes yes"!)

all in jams heading to the lights!

Sunday (day 2) found us putting jams on and loading in our swagger wagon to hit up some Christmas lights. Norfolk's Botanical Garden does an AMAZING job and the children LOVED it. Squeals of delight, echoes of "WOW", "look at that!", and "it is sooo beautiful!"filled the car for 45 minutes. Total and complete WIN.

So today (day 3), when they raced to the box with eager anticipation, I was pretty sure tonight would be another WIN.

"Have marshmallows and hot chocolate for dessert after a cheese fondue dinner."

I mean, c'mon. How fun is it to dip food in cheese? Broccoli, wienies, bread, cauliflower...all things they love...being dipped in their favorite melty cheese!

Well, apparently, the texture was "totally weird." (String Bean)
And the taste was "gross and sour" (Jumping Bean)
And the consistency was "icky icky sticky!" (Bitty Bean)

Boy Bean is currently my favorite because he ate it (begrudgingly), but since he doesn't speak, I don't really know how he felt.

Bitty Bean and Boy Bean actually didn't eat lunch....they weren't hungry. So I felt terrible making them go without dinner too! I offered to make them a PB&J. Which they each consumed 1/4 of.

Poor Jumping Bean and String Bean had hearty lunches - and the volume with which they protested our special dinner did not earn them points.  No alternate food option for them.

Onward I persevered, thinking surely hot/warm chocolate and marshmallows will gain favor with these ridiculous food critics!

Nope.

Too hot.
Too cold.
Lumpy.
Messy.
Sticky.
Even the Boy stuck his tongue out at the marshmallows!

Oh well. You win some and you lose some!

Guess we won't have any birthday dinners at the Melting Pot. :)


~Whitney Copyright 2012

Moments....

You know those moments that make you stop - hold your breathe - freeze the image in your mind?
Those moments that allow you to see - really, truly, see - the person in front of you?

We all went and celebrated Bitty Bean's 3rd birthday (2 weeks early) while My Love was still home. That time spent eating Chinese (her request) and enjoying the doughnut shop (her request about a billion times)  as a family...was chock full of moments I wanted to freeze.

Often, I find myself too busy, too pre-occupied, too tired, or too distracted, for those moments to occur.

Especially when the person I'm supposed to be seeing...is one of my little Beans.  

Somehow, these people, these four little treasures that I get to be with almost 100% of the time - they can go unnoticed. Unknown. Ignored.  This was brought to my attention recently, by my String Bean. She said, "Mommy, I wish you'd spend more time with us."


My first reaction was shock - I'm with you 'round the clock! What do you mean "MORE" time!?  Instead of saying those words, I just asked her, "What kind of time?"

And my little-6-year-old-philosopher said, "Time where we can just be. Together."

Maybe I'm the only person who has experienced the loss of vision towards those they love the most.  I'm moving so fast to take care of the next thing, go to the next event, clean the next mess, or just find a moment of quiet....that I forget the real next thing to take care of, is a person.

The next event could be the discovery of a leaf - or a loose tooth - or skipping - or listening to a song. The next mess might not be broken items, it might just be a hurting heart or bruised feelings caused by a careless word.
Sometimes, in the cacophony that is my home, I need to step back and treasure the ruckus instead of resenting the absence of quiet.

Now that school is out and My Love is gone...

(Because during the school year I was too tired, and there are all sorts of whacked out emotions going on when Daddy is away)

...we have reinstated some rituals that help me to see my children - things that also help them see each other as well. One thing they think is wonderful is where we take turns saying something about each other that we just utterly LOVE.  Those things that if that person didn't do - our day would not sparkle quite as much.  Here are the highlights of the week....

We decided that if Bitty Bean didn't talk about poop so much...we wouldn't laugh nearly enough. If we didn't hear her singing...or her spontaneous "I love you"...or her constant requests for brownies and/or chocolate...the day would be not quite right.

We discovered that even though Boy Bean attacks unsuspecting people at random - with fiendish delight - we all know that when he jumps on our heads, he is just saying "I love you."  There is no sound so fantastic as his belly laugh. We love watching him eat and savor and experience each bite.

We love that Jumping Bean wakes up so silly...because her smiles and giggles and hugs just start the day out right. We love how fiercely she hugs and kisses. Her little sister loves how Jumping Bean takes care of her...and her big sister loves how Jumping Bean is such a good friend. I love her zest and passion for life.

We all agreed String Bean's hugs are marvelous. The sisters also talked about how great String Bean is at helping them not be scared or nervous. They love her silly faces and crazy jokes. I love how she takes initiative and has a tender heart.

What a treat to sit down and learn about the things that are important to my children. Especially when they decided to say the things they love about me. They love hugs. Silly dances during breakfast. Playing in the pool. Reading together. When I wipe their bum. (Seriously. That was from Bitty Bean.)

I was reminded that while I may not always freeze the moments - there are always more to be made.

~Whitney
 Copyright 2012

Things the Navy makes me say....

This blog is about to get VERY Navy.  (See the last post)  Since Boy Bean was born, My Love has only been away 2 months and 2 weekends. That means we have been on our Sea tour (where they are deployable) and have had him home 15 out of 17 months. Which is completely unheard of.

This is what our family looked like the last time he left.

That is about to change.

Yesterday morning over breakfast, I was preparing the Beans for the next month.  We counted down the days until Daddy leaves....and then I counted out the days he will be gone.

Jumping Bean asked, "Will you make a paper chain, Mommy?"
"Of course!" I replied.

That was comforting because I only make a paper chain for 60 days or less.

"Will we get to talk to him one time while he is gone?" String Bean questioned.
I was able to tell her, "Probably every day. He will be in our time zone - and he won't be on the ship."

That was comforting because they know the feeling of going 3 weeks without hearing Daddy's voice.

"What about packages? Can we send him things - drawings and letters and treats?" Again, that was String Bean.
"Nope. He won't be gone long enough." What a treat to say!

Then the moment.  The moment IT hit. The realization that when Daddy is away 

- be it for one night or 100 - there are no Daddy hugs; 

no Daddy kisses; no Daddy to wrestle with; there is an empty seat at the table.

And Jumping Bean became very sad. "I know it is his job. But I sure wish it wasn't. I wish he would stay home with us always."

Before I could do anything - except nod in agreement - String Bean leaned over to her sis, gave her a hug, and said,

"I know sis. I like him home too. But in the Bible it says we should be 'joyful in all things' - and I think that means even when we are sad when Daddy is gone.  So lets talk to Jesus when we are sad. It will be okay - it will be hard - but Jesus is with all of us."

She's right. Whether or not we can make a paper chain, talk to Daddy, send him packages, see his face, or be with him - we are not alone.

Those are the things the Navy makes me say.

~Whitney Copyright 2012

Birthday fun!

So yesterday, I turned 30.

Yep. And I am super stoked about it.

No 29th anniversary for me!!!  Each year that goes by, I feel more comfortable in my skin, but less comfortable not growing. It's a good balance.


My Love gave me the best-ever present in the whole-wide-world......a CAMERA!!!!!!!!

Seriously - the best ever. 

He said the only gift I've reacted to more excited was when he gave me a ring on bended knee. 

I mean I started crying and blubbering and hugging him and just could NOT believe it.

The best part? He couldn't wait to give it to me....so I opened it on Sunday!

Which meant my actual birthday found each child having a bit of a photo shoot......

My Little Boy Bean.. who is going to need his baby curls trimmed soon. I really don't want to. But I guess we all have to grow up sometime.

His little grin is so full of t-r-o-u-b-l-e.

My Jumping Bean...I really don't know how her personality fits in her body.

She is my little live-wire.

My Bitty Bean...I'm pretty sure we will see this face again. When she's about 15.

She definitely knows how to work a look!

Sisters...friends...

My String Bean...she wasn't feeling her absolute best. Yet she still humored me with the photo shoot!

 I feel like I went to sleep with a baby and when I woke up the next morning...she was almost 7.  My sweet girl - I truly don't know what I'd do without her!

Those little faces made my birthday wonderful.

~Whitney
 Copyright 2012

What's growing Wednesday....

Since (as I always say), Hampton Roads is like living in a woman; the weather has been extremely indecisive lately.

My little sprouts are still hibernating in my laundry room most of the time.

Which is probably good, because between the weather and the curious 15 month old, I don't think they would have survived. While they haven't grown much - at least they haven't totally died.

The other little beans in the house, however, have been growing quite a lot.

String Bean is growing like a weed.

We had to go shopping this week just to keep her from being naked.

Here are her new church shoes - she was extremely excited about them.

She is also growing in other ways....she now understands sarcasm. OR, as she calls it "a joke that isn't funny."

She's a smart one.

Jumping Bean is also growing like crazy.

Her sense of humor is developing.
Because of her flair for funny, we call her "The Queen of Non-Sequitor."

Case in point - "Mommy, why did the bird cross the road?"
"I don't know, why?"
"Because it wanted to die."

She's all about some dark humor.

Bitty Bean. Well, you know how she's been. (See yesterday's post)

 Her sense of humor is....ummm....here's a snippet:

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Dog"
"Dog who?"
"Dog climbed up a tree to poop all over the place. MOMMY! LAUGH! That is funny!"

Her sense of potty humor is as inappropriate as it is funny.

Boy Bean is getting taller..ish.

He sees no point in speaking.

But give him a ball and he's good for hours.  We are unsure of his sense of humor...but he may tend toward the physical. Recently, he's taken to tackling his sisters and then laughing maniacally.

There you go! That's what is growing this Wednesday.

~Whitney


Copyright 2011