I know, I am a Navy wife and deployments are part of my life. But it doesn't make them easy. This separation is the first we have experienced in OVER 3 YEARS. My String Bean was the age of Chilly Bean the last time My Love left. So things are quite different this time around.
When My Love walked into the airport terminal after our never-enough hugs and kisses and teary goodbyes; String Bean and Jumping Bean sat down and sobbed. Shoulder wracking cries that broke my heart.
String Bean said, "I don't want Daddy to do this job anymore. Why don't we just go with him?"
Jumping Bean cried...but she was mad too. She didn't want to cry. She wanted Daddy to just turn around and come back.
And my little baby Chilly Bean? She watched My Love walk away to the security checkpoint....and called out, "Dada! Dada! Dada!"
It was gut wrenching and awful.
Yet, it was a gift.
Yes, a gift. We have been given the uncomfortable gift of knowing exactly how much we love someone. Of knowing their value in our lives. We haven't had to say goodbye to them forever...we aren't staring at test results that tell us the end is near. Instead, we find that in this awful tearing away, we would rather it hurt to the depth of our beings; than be glad to see them go.
We are reading through a children's Bible right now with the Beans...one or two stories a day. Last night, before My Love left, we all sat down to read together. The story was Abraham being called by God...to leave his home, his relatives, everything he knew...and go somewhere unknown. Foreign. Hard. Lonely. But God was WITH him. We firmly believe we are exactly where we are supposed to be...so this deployment was planned. There will be hard days. There will be lonely nights. There will be times of feeling overwhelmed. But God is WITH US. Just like He was with Abraham as he set out to follow God's direction. Even though the saying "goodbye" is hard and painful and highly uncomfortable - it does not mean any of us are alone.
So this time the change does not mean packing up our tents and learning a new place...for all of us girls (and the little baby boy!) it means maintaining our tent and learning a new normal.
For My Love, it means learning many new things and adjusting to life without a hormonal harem....but I'm sure he'll figure out some way to handle the stability in his squadron!
Copyright 2010
Well you've got me crying again Whitney... I am so sorry! I remember leaving my dad at the ship when I was about Canaan's age and bawling my eyes out. It is one of my first memories. I hated it when he left for deployments. So, I don't know how you feel - but I know how your girls feel and I will definitely be praying for all of you!
ReplyDeleteAwww... so sad, sweet, and inspirational all at once. Thank u for sharing your feelings. We r here if u need us!
ReplyDeleteso excited about your boy bean! I'm sorry about the separation, but you are right. At least he will be able to meet boy bean along with you when he arrives. You all are very blessed!
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm crying! Deployments are hard enough when there are just two of you, but I can't imagine doing it with kids old enough to know what's going on. Praying for you as you model strength and vulnerability for them!
ReplyDeleteThe tears are flowing. I think I'm going to have to stop reading your blog if I want to maintain any emotional sanity. :-) Seriously though, it made me appreciate that I have my husband around with no threat of him being sent away. Thanks for helping me have a fresh perspective.
ReplyDeletei guess i needed a good cry, because it came anyway. love you.
ReplyDeleteWow...I should NOT have read this while at work. Now everyone is going to wonder why in the world I'm sitting here crying for seemingly no reason at all. Your strength amazes me. I pray that regardless of whether I am a military spouse one day that I can have your strength and faith when times are tough. I'll be praying for you all.
ReplyDeletejust so you all know.....your comments made me cry! (gives you a peek at my stability right now!) I'm glad it could be encouraging to you....
ReplyDeletestephanie - feel free to tell them EXACTLY why you are crying! Shameless begging for more readers... I know.
Bethany - the funny will be coming back....probably tomorrow!
Janice - we are very hopeful he will be here when boy bean arrives...you are one strong woman!
Whit... All I could think abut was your girls crying in their own peersonalities for their daddy to stay. You are amazing! You turned something sad into something positive!!! I am so thankful God has lead me to to get to know you guys. I love you!
ReplyDeleteI understand! Moira sobbed the night before Schuyler went back in July and then all the way to VBS after we dropped him off. Eliza cried a little too. . . . You are right, God has a reason for deployments and puts your family there for just the right reason! :) Hang in there girl! Not too many months till the end of the year!
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