Soooo sometimes, I just want a MINUTE to myself.
Sometimes, I really want to listen to music that doesn't have a talking seagull or singing cucumber in it.
Sometimes, I want to roll the windows down in the car and crank up the music because I want to...and not just to drown out the cacophony behind me.
Sometimes, I want to drink my coffee while it is still hot. The first time.
Sometimes, I want to shave all zones and wash my hair...in the same day.
I have these few little things I cling tightly to...my last vestiges of my personality...or adulthood...or whatever-you-want-call-it.
I will list them out so you can see that clearly, I do not have excessive needs when it comes to keeping a tenuous hold of who I am.
I drink coffee. (Or some hot beverage that cannot be shared) EVERYDAY.
Although, many days that one cup is reheated so many times before I can finish it, the drink doesn't even taste like what was originally poured in.
I put on face lotion. Yes. I moisturize. It helps minimize the black bags under my eyes.
I shave. A couple times a week. I even do my legs...periodically.
I shower. EVERY day.
And every once in a great while...I listen to music made for grown ups.
I confess, I will put on NPR's Out of the Box and treasure the African beat, the Irish jig, the sappy indie vibe. I love that there are all sorts of words in the songs that I don't understand...and I don't have to explain them. I like that it makes me feel snooty. And well-traveled. And basically...Adult.
Now, this does not occur every day...HA! This bliss of music without squeaking instruments or hand motions, only happens about once a month. But when it does...this woman who is
I will leave the dishes in the sink...brew a pot of decaf...and sit and sip and listen...and maybe read. It gets pretty wild in this house. I am a party animal.
I can't possibly be the only woman who feels like she is disappearing in the loads of laundry, grocery lists, bathing, cleaning, teaching, and parenting that are part of my life. But maybe I am. It really doesn't matter. Because I know there a just a few things that help me remember I am more than Mama to the Beans...Otherwise I'm just a dirty, unshaven, exhausted, hippie with wrinkles.
However, recently I could not take the inane children's music coming from the back speakers of our Suburban for another second. So I turned on the radio - with the Beans in the car. Unwise. These children catch EVERYTHING. Especially if I don't want them to. I was scanning the stations and an old Tim McGraw song came on. (I grew up on country music. Tim makes me melt.) So I stopped the "scan" and listened through the chorus. Then I realized the words...and proceeded to scan some more. That was it. One time. ONE TIME String Bean heard the chorus and now she cannot stop singing...
I like it, I love it, I want some more of it.
I tried so hard, but I can't rise above it.
Don't know what it is bout that little girl's lovin'
But I like, I love it, I want some more of it.
So, if ever I look like I'm having a hard day - look me over carefully.
Have I had my coffee?
If the answer to all of those is "yes" then maybe I'm due for my moment of musical bliss...without the children in the car!