Dreamweaver...

So the fabulous combination of post-partum hormones and constantly interrupted sleep can really lead to some amazing dreams.

They are still not to the level of weird achieved during pregnancy....but pretty close

What?! I didn't write down for posterity my crazy pregnant dreams? 

Here's a quick rundown on the absolute-hands-down-oddest-dreams-I've-ever-had:

While pregnant with String Bean I dreamt I went to the car while in labor and delivered....a litter of kittens. Ugly ones. That was disturbing to me for a couple reasons:
1) I hold cats in utter contempt. I cannot stand them. Unless they are completely outdoor animals and keep the rodent population down....maybe. 
2) I had always assumed my offspring would at least achieve a "homely" status.
But for my daughter to be born an ugly version of an animal that I hold in disdain.....that was a hard one for me to swallow.

While pregnant with Jumping Bean I dreamed....bear in mind I was starving from the moment of a plus sign until delivery....I dreamed I delivered a chocolate bar. And then ate it.  All I have to say about that is we are already saving for her therapy.

While pregnant with Bitty Bean the crazy dream did not concern delivery. (Thankfully)  It instead involved the drive home from the hospital. In the dream she was safely loaded into her car seat and had a lovely pink blanket tucked around her..... then the car seat was set on the ground next to the car as we loaded everything else in.....and then we drove off. We just left our 3rd daughter in the parking lot of the hospital and went and had lunch.  

It seems food is a recurring theme of my dreams

However, my wild and wacky dreams while pregnant with the girls were NOTHING compared to what happened in my brain with the man-child. In the dream, we went to the hospital and I delivered Boy Bean....but he wasn't a baby....or a chocolate bar....or a litter of kittens....he was a fully-grown werewolf.  And as soon as the umbilical cord was cut, he turned to attack me. So, there I was, running down a main thoroughfare of the city....in my hospital gown....being chased by my newborn-werewolf-man-child.

Thankfully, in the past two weeks Boy Bean has not shown any signs of being anything other than 100% human. But I'm still keeping my running shoes handy.

Well, to be honest, now that I've actually written down those dreams....my post-partum one's are not even worth mentioning.....I mean, no one will need therapy from those! Although maybe I should see someone...

Copyright 2010

Dreams vs. Reality

Amid all the high school graduation parties this week, I was struck by the realization of 10 years passing since that event occurred for me! In the past 10 years my life has gone absolutely..... NOTHING like I thought it would. At all.  When I graduated high school I had full intentions of not only getting my bachelors degree in Communications, but continuing to get my Masters (and possibly a Doctorate!) in Speech Pathology.  I planned to live in a largish city, have my own apartment, work, and enjoy the freedom of being a 20 something single woman. Marriage was on the far horizon...maybe I'd have 2 children by the time I was 35. Or not.  I was happy to plan an unencumbered life not around a man or children and do whatever I wanted.  HA!
For those of you who don't know me well, here is a brief synopsis of what actually has happened in this particular life...
I do not have my bachelors degree...obviously the next levels of education have not occurred.  I have 2 1/2 years (or so) of college completed - and have absolutely no idea when I will finish it off.  I did, in fact, live in an apartment, work, and enjoy my freedom.... for 5 months.  Then I met my hot stuff husband!  Marriage suddenly became top priority - I wasn't gonna let a hottie like him get away!!  So, just a few months after turning 21 - I became a wife.  Then at 23 - baby #1 was born, 25 - baby #2, 27 - baby #3, and 28 will be baby #4!  My life has been a bit different than I dreamed!
The amazing thing about youthful dreams is this - you don't always know yourself well enough to know what you really do want!  (Some people do....I envy that!)  But for the rest of us late bloomers, our dreams change as we age and learn more about life.  Does that make the dreams bad?  Or does that make reality bad?  I would have to say NO - on both questions.  Dreaming - hoping - about the future is something I still love to do....I've just learned that I'm probably waaaay off!  My reality is nothing like I thought it would be... it is soooo much better!  (And a ton more exhausting!)  I wouldn't trade my sloppy baby kisses and dirty shoulders from toddler tears for any business suit or heels.  Are there days I would like to sleep in? Yep.  But every day is such a gift!  I feel blessed beyond measure to get to live this life.  Langston Hughes asked in "A Dream Deferred"


What happens to a dream deferred?Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.Or does it explode?

I'd like to venture that it doesn't do any of those options above... I think it can grow into something beautiful - even more wonderful than what the original dream was.  Life doesn't have to be easy to be great - suffering allows you to realize the depth of joy possible in a life.  

I can't wait to see what my dreams change into over the next 10 years....

Copyright 2010