Thursday, September 9, 2010

On Beyond Leaving...

I have not completely lost it...yet.
I haven't really had time. Or energy.

I looked at my calendar and wrote down when I could have my breakdown about My Love leaving, and String Bean starting school...Sunday night from 9:00-11:00pm, you'll know where to find me.

Yep. I schedule my breakdowns.  It actually is a bit of a relief.  I know I only have to hold it together...keep most of the tears and freakout moments in check for a few days...and then I can rent that chick flick and sob to my heart's content.  Don't really know if it is a healthy way to do things or not; but its my way, and it works.  (Don't worry - I do cry in front of the beans....I just try not to do the snot-running-down-your-face-lost-all-control-cry in front of them. That would freak them out.)

So I've learned that if I set a particular standing date with myself to lose it...I stay waaaaay more sane. Supposedly.  Maybe not. But it makes me feel better - and you should stop judging me.

My day yesterday was actually REALLY, REALLY, great. However, I would like you to note I didn't say "Smooth," or "Restful." In fact, it had numerous bumps and bruises....and minimal sleep.

After dropping My Love off, spending quality time crying with the beans, driving home, unloading all beans, tucking them to bed, comforting them again, putting away all things that somehow jump out of place, and finally collapsing into bed (glorious BED!), I fell asleep. At 12:30.  Alarm was set to go for 6:00...not a ton of sleep, but definitely workable.  (I've found I can run on 5 hours a night for 5 nights...then I need to recover and get 7 or 8 hours) The theory of sleep is always good....but for a Mama of almost is most often just an idea, and not an actuality.  Chilly Bean decided to wake up SEVEN TIMES between 1 and 5.  And Boy Bean decided to jump on my bladder - hard - so I also had to wake up one time for my own reasons.

All of you people in the world out there who are sleeping through the night...and maybe even sleeping in on Saturdays....I hate you.  Not really.  But sometimes I am exceedingly jealous.

My Jumping Bean falls, and walks into walls, and trips, and bumps into things, constantly. Really.  WALLS.  (Its not like they move....I don't really get it.)   

But when she is distracted - the poor thing should be wrapped in bubble wrap. Unfortunately, today she was distracted. 

In the span of TEN MINUTES she tripped and smacked her head on the corner of a wall, (Immediate bruising and egg-size-swollen-knot on her forehead) and then twirled and cut her knee, and then closed her fingers in a drawer.

For the record - she is not known for her quiet spirit. There was much yelling. And snot. (I really detest snot. It is just utterly gross...and always on my shoulder.)

Anyway, during all of this..the phone rang...Chilly Bean pooped...String Bean went on a hunger strike (again)...and we all needed shoes on to get out the door in time.

We were late.

And that, is a REALLY, REALLY, great day.

Copyright 2010


  1. You know what I can't wait for is more of them [children]! Even through all your silliness and stress there is much to be thankful for, and I know you know this. Oh how I love to hear and read your true life stories. They do fill me up with hope as I wish for more and trying for more children. I think some people would think me insane after reading such things but still I want what you have. The blessing of a house full. :o) YOU are such a sweet friend and a beautiful mother and loving wife. I'm praying for you all.

  2. It sounds like you had a great day! I am so thankful for the moments which fall into place with a smile and say the day is over... for example Gary's and Savannah's first day of school began with Jonathan locking himself in the bathroom and me beginning to panic and the endless possibilities running through my mind not to mention the thoughts of embarrassment of answering the door to the local fire squadron. back to reality, I took a screw driver, and took off two screws, and then used needle pliers to turn the lock... thanks to all those mc guyver epsiodes as a kid...but to see his smiling face in the toilet by the time I made it in there... was priceless... then it began our day of being late.... love life to the fullest. Whit... keep up your wonderful, never a dull moment stories. will be praying for safe travel. and the fact that you schedule crying moments is Genuis!!! will be notated in my journal and used later. I usually just cry histerically in the bedroom and usually matt walks in smiles that smile like "oh dear, what do i do?" and I continue on with my crying while he walks out of the room!

  3. I love your stories too! :) Deployment always brings new joys!

  4. Ahhh... The infamous ugly cry. It is definitely my favorite; especially when you are in public and you can't stop. Your lip rolls up to your nose and you almost hyperventilate. People slightly quicken their step as they pass by. Of course, it makes it all worse when you are a male. This is Jonathan if you haven't figured that out. Your account hasn't been hacked into yet. Probably will be later when you are world famous. I think I could probably write an entire post on the ugly cry. I've seen it enough times with the amount of estrogen laden females I have the privilege to abide with. Lena's probably the worst, and amplified by the amount of snot she generates. Maybe I should start a blog for gay dads or something. Love you jonathan


Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement!