You know the days where your children are perfect and they do everything right and you are patient and calm and loving all day?
Or how about the days where your children are definitely NOT perfect, but it doesn't matter because you are patient and calm and loving all day anyway?
Or how about the days where you wake up to little faces wanting to dole out kisses and snuggles and love and your heart just explodes with thankfulness about this gift of motherhood??
Well, Saturday morning was not like those days. At all.
By the way, I am never perfect. There is always some way I royally screw up the day. Which just means I am human. AND greatly in need of my Savior's grace, strength, and wisdom, to get me through each day.
Back to Saturday....I woke up cranky. VERY cranky. I was tired and just wanted to sleep....but I couldn't because I had four people who-can't-feed-themselves awake and hungry. My children were all being sweet and adorable and fun and funny.....but I just didn't want to be Mom on Saturday....
I wanted to sleep until I felt like waking up.
AND wake up slowly.
And then I wanted to eat what I wanted to eat, when I wanted to eat it, at whatever speed I felt like. I didn't want to discipline anybody.
I didn't want to listen to anybody saying...pretty much....anything.
I didn't want to check a diaper bag and make sure it was properly loaded.
I didn't want to plan my day around naps, meals, feeding schedules, and other people's attitudes.
I wanted to just be selfish and self-consumed for one cotton-picking-morning.
Well, that didn't happen. Even though I acted like I was wearing an itchy sweater 2 sizes too small for quite a few hours.....and had to get an attitude check from My Love...eventually my attitude did improve. It was a slow, painful, process. I really just wanted to stomp my foot and whine "But I don't wanna!"....but then Boy Bean woke up and needed to eat and lunch needed to be made and noses needed to be wiped and laundry needed to be done and dishes had to be washed and booboos needed to be kissed all better....so I couldn't play hooky on motherhood.
The truth is, everybody struggles with their job. And that is normal. And expected. And accepted. People say, "Of course you don't like the people you work with every minute of every day! Naturally you have days you don't want to go to work!"
But not if your job is "mama."
It doesn't matter that the job is extremely hard. It doesn't matter that the job is utterly rewarding. Some days, you just want to skip work. And you can't. And - at least for me - there is a struggle.
There is a struggle between my natural selfish desires and my roles as mommy and wife and friend and daughter and sister. Because really, whenever you open yourself up to a relationship with another person - you are acknowledging there will be times where your wants and desires MUST take a backseat. As "Mommy" - especially - this means all day of every day. Even after the beans go to bed - I still need to pull out the meat for the next night's dinner....I need to make sure all items are gathered in String Bean's book bag....I need to put the house back in order and the dishes away and fold the laundry - just so I don't start the next day behind.
In my Saturday struggle, I was reminded of Philippians 2:3 "Do NOTHING out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."
And hopefully, I'll remember this lesson the next time I feel like playing hooky.