Milestone...

Last night we crossed one of the many little milestones that mark growth in a child - and I felt my usual mix of sad and happy.

It amazes me how each little step is so very exciting...because your little one is growing up....and how each little step brings a touch of nostalgia and melancholy...because your little one is growing up. 

I know in the moments of extreme trial - the-no-sleep-newborn-phase, the-I-must-do-it-myself!-phase, the-learning-independence-phase, the-potty-training-phase (need I go on???) - the "next step" looks beautiful and fabulous and oh-so-much-easier than whatever I am facing at the moment. But it isn't. Each phase has its challenges...but each phase extreme amounts of blessing in it as well. I know I've only been at this 5 years - but I think I'm starting to get a grip on savoring the seconds....the easy ones...and especially the hard ones.

The discomfort of pregnancy...the exhaustion of middle of the night feedings...the power struggles of toddler will...the messes of potty training....the accidents....the spills...the dirty windows...the constant laundry...the repetitive teaching...the wake ups....the training...

It is a never-ending list...of gifts and blessings.  The hard part is registering it.  

I messed that up today...Jumping Bean had an accident and I lost it. I was so very upset at her...and I shouldn't have been. My schedule was upset...my plan was thrown off....but she had not meant to do wrong! That is why it is called an accident! When I apologized to her for yelling...her little eyes welled up with tears and she said, "Its okay Mommy. I forgive you. But it did make my heart sad." 

I'm sure one day I'll look back on these years and wish they were all home so I could hug away their tears or bandage their hurts. The trouble is sometimes its hard to see the gifts for the struggles.

Back to the Milestone of last night...Bitty Bean turned 16 months yesterday! And I thought it was as good a night as any to try out her big-girl bed. So my itty bitty baby girl curled up in her big girl bed...in the big girl room...and slept. She was so excited to sleep in the same room as String Bean and Jumping Bean. And I was thrilled!  But I was also sad. The nursery was empty. The monitor silent.  

 It was a moment. A marker passing time. My baby is growing up. 

Bitty Bean in her big girl bed - hugging her Daddy pillow

Sad and happy at the same time...pretty much sums up Motherhood.

Copyright 2010

Pregnancy "Perks"...part 2

Why should you read this?

Because it will make you laugh. At least once. Promise.

"Perk" #1 - You get to learn why underwear are so important.


 My primary annoyance with pregnancy is this... 

my pants and my underwear are constantly at war with one another. 

Seriously. One wants to climb up and the other wants to slide down...always. And to mix it up - they take turns on which one does what. There really is no polite way to reach down your backside - hoping to find your underwear - and then situate everything back in its correct place again. It drives me so crazy I've contemplated going commando. But then I sneeze. Or cough. Or bend over. And it is made crystal clear why, exactly, underwear are so important.

Perk #2 - You get your hair changed up for free!
Well, free if you don't consider that your hairstylist will depend on you for food, clothing, shelter, training, chauffeuring, laundering, hygiene, and tuition.  For AT LEAST 18 years. But pregnancy really DOES whack your hair out! At least it does mine! I have an entire section of my hair that is now stick straight courtesy of Boy Bean. It is an adventure..I never know what type of hair I'll have to match my ginormous belly.

Perk #3 - You get to learn Yoga.
I guess you technically don't have to learn yoga....but I can't think of anything else that will provide you with enough different stretches to help you get comfortable in the middle of the night. It works for me!

Perk #4 - You get to learn how to walk with random parts of your body falling numb at a moments notice.
This Boy Bean of mine likes to sit on my sciatic nerve...which would be no big deal - except that it causes my legs to randomly go numb. A little side effect they don't really tell you about.

Perk #5 - You get to lose your mind...and it is perfectly normal. 
You can't remember where you left your keys, your purse, your sunglasses, your kids keys.You walk into rooms and have no idea why you are there. (The only room I'm always sure of what to do in is the bathroom. Half the time I'm not even sure I need to go...but since I'm there...) You can't remember ANYTHING. Pregnancy is a really good time to watch movies...because you will not remember seeing them, have no recollection of the plot, and can watch them again at a later-non-pregnant date for the "first" time.

I know there are other perks....but I really can't remember any right now...what was I doing again?

Copyright 2010

Losing my mind....

Well, its official. I've lost my mind.

Proof? Oh, I have proof - see yesterday's post...or keep reading.

This morning in the shower as I was planning out the meals for the day...it hit me. I went to the Commissary yesterday, filled out the deli counter order, continued through the store finishing my list....and never returned for my deli meat.

Yep. My honey maple turkey and provolone cheese were sliced, bagged, and left. And it didn't even register until 24 hours later. 

Not enough evidence of losing it?

On the way to drop String Bean at school, my car was randomly selected for a vehicle search by the base police.

Really.

So I handed them all the stuff they needed...got out of the car...and waited for them to check everything.  (They were very nice - just doing their job - so no annoyance with them) Meanwhile, String Bean starts sobbing. Wailing, in fact.

Why?

Because she thought they were going to take her mother to jail. And how on earth would she get to school then???

Once they completed the search, I climbed back in, reversed out of the holding area, and realized - I wasn't wearing a seat belt. I had my Suburban  surrounded by police officers...and no seat belt in a moving vehicle. Apparently, I am so used to getting tickets - I try to get them if it looks like I won't. 

Then, after dropping String Bean at school; Jumping Bean, Bitty Bean, and I hung out with a friend talking in the parking lot.  I buckled my beans in...closed their door...and went to open my door.

I couldn't. 

It was locked. 

With my keys, cell phone, and ID, INSIDE.

Really.

Jumping Bean sat there in her seat trying to unlock the door...by tapping on the window. (She has since been educated on what "push the lock button" actually means.) Finally, as my friend drove off to go to my house to get my spare keys...Jumping Bean flipped the lock.

I immediately jumped in the car and grabbed my phone to call my friend so she wouldn't waste her time.  Then I realized...her number isn't in my phone. It is in my planner...sitting on the kitchen counter.

And that is why I am losing my mind.

I have a tan Suburban with Escambia plates...if you ever see me wandering in a parking lot...could you please direct me to my vehicle???

Copyright 2010

A Riddle....

Here's a riddle for you:

How do you know you have 3 children 5 and under, are in your 3rd trimester with #4, have a deployed husband, and have only dreamt about sleeping through the night when walking into walls due to sleep deprivation?

You flood the Laundry room. 

Yep.

Yesterday was a day for irony....but you need some back story....earlier I had gotten off the phone with my oh-so-totally-awesome-sister-in-law after we had both come to the conclusion we hate poop. Therefore, we are both foregoing the eco-friendly cloth diapers, in favor of the very-little-touching-of-poop disposable diapers. (This is actually relevant...stay with me.) 

AS SOON AS I hung up the phone, Jumping Bean came to me with this oops-I-pooped-my-pants-look on her face....and said, "Mommy! I tooted and POOP came out!!" 

Never a sentence you want to hear. Or say. Or experience. 

Anyway, I jumped up, and quickly we went to the bathroom...she was sobbing....I felt like crying...it was not a pretty sight. As she stood in the bathroom snotting all over the place, I took her dress off, and started pulling her panties down. Unfortunately, Jumping Bean freaked out over the poop sliding down her leg. So, she kicked her foot. And the large mass flopped onto the bathroom...rug.

Yes, I took a picture. yuk.

After physically pinning her to the toilet seat so I could wipe her bum, legs, ankles, and foot, clean...she was given a super-fast-bath.

That is mom-code for "no toys, fun, or pandemonium. Just get in. Get clean. Get out."

Later, as I was rinsing the gross off of the rug in the utility sink in our laundry room, I realized it needed to soak. So I stopped up the sink...turned on the faucet...and heard the sound of shattering glass coming from the general direction of the beans and the living room. 

I ran toward the noise and was welcomed by the sight of an overturned lamp, light bulb bits all over the carpet, and three crying beans.  I promptly took all beans upstairs away from the DANGER and we proceeded to read stories and play games...for 2 and a half hours. 

When we finally migrated back downstairs for dinner, I was greeted by the sound of splashing water coming from the laundry room.

Thank the Lord for the floor drain.

 I opened the laundry room door to find 1/4 inch of standing water covering the floor, and a veritable waterfall coming from the edge of the sink.

It was not my finest moment for my choice of words.

Once I had cleaned up the mess, and gotten food for all the beans...I realized I needed a perspective change. So we had a "Praise Dinner." All the things we said during dinner were things we are thankful for...they ranged from the everyday - Thank you for clothes - to the very strange - Thank you for toots - to the sweet - Thank you that Mommy and Daddy love each other - to the need-to-discuss-at-a-later-time - Thank you that I'm so much smarter than my sisters.

Overall, it was a very good exercise! However, I'd rather not have to repeat the day to learn the lesson!!

 Copyright 2010

OB Appointment time...

I must say some sick, twisted, person (who has never been pregnant) decided on what must happen at every OB check up.

You walk up to the counter, you tell them your name, and they direct you to the bathroom. This bathroom holds a small little cup....that you are supposed to hold in your hand in places you haven't seen in months.

Don't worry - it is not used.

Seriously.  They don't furnish you with gloves to your elbow....they don't give you a funnel....or a bed pan. Nope. They expect you to neatly pee in a cup! With this belly in the way, all I have to say is HOW ON EARTH am I supposed to accomplish this task?!?!?

25 weeks

Is this the medical profession's idea of a good time?
Having women all around the country going to the bathroom on themselves?
Do the nurses watch the waddling masses heft themselves into the bathroom and sit back and snicker?
Or, are they in cahoots with the cup manufacturer to design the smallest cup possible for them to use?
I don't know if there is some big conspiracy against women with bowling balls on their abdomens....but I am pretty sure there is. 

I also have no idea who thought putting the scale in the main hallway was a good idea. Where the nurse has to verify your weight...out loud and check it against your last weigh in...and then (at least in my case) she raises an eyebrow and makes some snide remark to the effect of "How has your time with Ben and Jerry been this month?"

All because I gained 5 lbs when I supposed to gain 4. Yes, you read that right.

Personally, I don't even like Ben and Jerry's ice cream....I'm a Starbucks Java Chip girl....but that isn't the point. The point is this: My personal space hasn't existed for 5 years now. I also haven't slept through the night in 5 years. I am tired. I am spending my days running after 3 beans who seem to have limitless energy. I am keeping a house....even mowing the lawn! If I want to sit on my fat butt at the end of the day and enjoy a little java chip ice cream....I should be allowed.

 I don't need to go to the doctor to pee on myself and then be criticized for my weight gain...all I have to do is sneeze or cough, and then get one of the beans to look at the number on the scale at home (I can't see over my stomach) and say something loving like "MOMMY!! I don't know how to count that high." 

(Yes, actual quote)

So, String Bean, Jumping Bean, Bitty Bean, and Boy Bean....this is to tell you your mama loves you a lot. Now, where is my spoon???

Copyright 2010

Bring it on...

Recently, I thought I would have another sad-sappy-story-day without much funny in it because of how it started:

String Bean walked in to my bathroom when she first woke up...saw me showered and in my towel....and burst into tears.

While I have felt that way looking at my ever-expanding-girth-in-a-towel-that-is-constantly-getting-too-small; I thought her reaction a tad extreme. On the side - by the end of my pregnancies....I use a beach towel in the bathroom. 'Cause I'm cool like that.

Anyway. Back to the tears...

So, she burst into tears and I assumed it wasn't because she saw me. So I got down on her level and asked her if she wanted to cuddle and sit in my lap. (Typically what she wants to do if she is sad.) She nodded and waited patiently as I was situated in the chair. When she was comfortably settled in my lap, she looked at me with tear-filled eyes and said, "I miss Daddy." Then she couldn't go on because she started to cry.

I seriously contemplated keeping her home from school. She was so forlorn and overwhelmed by missing her Daddy...but first I asked if she wanted to email Daddy to help him feel closer. (She dictates emails and I type EXACTLY what she says.)  So off we plodded to the computer area...and she proceeded to start her letter like this...

Hi there Daddy.
This is me Canaan. We know that you miss us and we miss you too.

I thought it would stay in that vein for a while. I was wrong. The very next sentence was this:

Mom's gonna put beans on our wreath, and if it looks pretty she's gonna put ribbon on the wreath for our WHOLE life for every single season of the year.

More on that another day. But apparently, every aspect of my decorating is noteworthy enough to tell Daddy. The fact that I am decorating...with beans...and ribbon...and want to use something for a while.  

I like to keep people on their toes. I'm crafty like that. . . in a daughter-of-Eve-sort-of-way. 

 She ended up going to school and I thought all was well.

It wasn't.

Without my knowledge, Jumping Bean and Bitty Bean had been preparing for battle. Against their mother. They had youth, stamina, and wills of steel ready in their arsenal. I did not. I was tired, hungry, and Boy Bean was using my rib cage for boxing practice.  It was a VERY LONG DAY.

After we picked String Bean back up from school...and played in the pouring down rain for two hours...we'd been cooped up inside for a week!...it was bath time.

I'll be honest.

By this time, my patience had left the building; my sanity was seeking to follow suit; my legs were taking turns being numb; I was very hungry; and "good mommy" was nowhere to be found. 

String Bean needed to stand up for something in the bathtub - and wouldn't. Despite being instructed by the woman-with-blood-shot-eyes-and-tight-voice, she would not move. Calmly (REALLY!!) I told her, "You will be disciplined after bath for not obeying."  She slowly raised her head...set her jaw...and then opened the door to a new phase:
"I'm gonna leave this house forever if that happens."

Yep. She went there. I, however, did not. I continued washing the children, leveled my eyes at her and said "What ON EARTH would you do on your own? You are FIVE! Where would you eat? Where would you sleep? How would you get anywhere? Where would you get money for food, clothes, bills?! No. You are not going anywhere."

She sat there in stunned in silence...looked around the tub, and said, "That didn't really go like I thought it would."

Mommy - 1
Beans - 0

And all is well in the world.

Copyright 2010

Cocoa Bean Moments...part 2

I think Friday will be my "Cocoa Bean Moments" days....because it is always nice to focus on the sweet things in life.

Although I will be posting about yesterday VERY soon. . . it was most definitely NOT sweet.

My morning started out late...primarily because I turned off my alarm when I was still awake at 2 am. Ahh the joys of a brain that will not shut down. 

Anyway, this morning, instead of waking to a not-so-melodious-beeping and stumbling into the bathroom to shower before I can peel my eyelids up and open my eyes...I was treated to String Bean tiptoeing into my room...crawling into bed behind me...and giving me a HUGE hug. Then she gently scratched my back and said, "It must be hard growing a person. And taking care of us. I love you so much Mommy."

And suddenly, all the horrible things that had made me lose sleep...all the awful moments of parent-child struggle of the day before...all the disappointment in ANOTHER rainy day...just melted away.  All that was left was just pure sweetness of the moment. 

Like God just placed a kiss on my pillow.

Copyright 2010