Cinderella.....

As I sit here sipping my coffee.... staring out the window at our snow covered yard...watching my beans play with My Love....I'm having a breakdown.

Seriously. 

It could be because I'm in the final month of a pregnancy....so emotions are high.

It could be attributed to My Love being home and the fact that the scene I'm observing can even occur.

It could be purely me....I just cry super easily since becoming a mama.

But nope. It isn't any of those things.

I'm sitting here...sobbing my eyes out....because of a country song that played while I was doing the dishes.  Cinderella.  I don't know who sings it....don't know who wrote it....but who ever it was definitely has watched years fly by in seconds.

Those movie montage scenes where they show the "highlights" of a life and then the children are grown....are pretty doggone accurate. 

We all sat around and watched home movies yesterday.....String Bean was a little baby - I didn't have bags under my eyes - My Love had some hair.....and then I looked over at my big girl and I couldn't fathom where the time has gone. Just yesterday she relied on me for everything.....and now she has things she is responsible for.....she helps her sisters....she helps me!

I know I will feel like I blinked and she'll be getting her driver's license and heading off into the great big world. 

By herself.

And I'm not ready.  I realize I have 13 more years to prep for that day where I send out a piece of myself to encounter life fully without the illusion of my protection. But that just doesn't seem long enough when I register how quickly 5 years have flown.

In my mental-montage of each Bean's "highlight" moments....barely a second ticks by. I hope they each know how very much I love them....even though I will - and DO! - mess up at this being-their-mommy-thing all the time.

Because when I look at them I see moments that cannot be recaptured. But I'm trying my hardest to not have time steal Cinderella away.....

I want to treasure every second I have with them until the clock strikes midnight.

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