I'm not saying the goodbye was cake and that it didn't hurt. It did. I'm not saying that tears have disappeared from the house. I'm just saying that we are all doing really, really, well on the home front.
At this moment....it can flip all crazy in a split second.Well, it has.
The truth is - I AM tired.
But not from a lack of sleep.
I'm tired of battling every. little. thing. out with a particular 2 year-old man-child.
Today, as he started his 10th fit of screaming, snotting, and writhing on the ground (In public)...something in me just broke.
I'm tired of complete strangers offering their opinion of what is wrong with Boy when he is throwing a fit.
I'm tired of outlasting the fits.
I'm tired of constantly questioning if I'm doing the right thing, making the right decision, handling it correctly.
So, when I was wrestling his stiff-as-a-board body into his car seat....accompanied by his guttural screams where he attempts to lose his voice....I was able to hold it together. I stayed calm. I miraculously got him buckled. Then I calmly went around and buckled Bitty Bean.
But, after closing the door of the Swagger Wagon?
I just stood there in the empty school parking lot and cried.
I climbed into the driver's seat with 3 of my sweet children buckled in behind me, and cried. The ugly cry. The 'I'm overwhelmed and just would like him to obey happily and quickly because I'm tired of fighting him' cry.
I know people will say - ask for help. But the kicker is I can't ask for help in this one. He's not having power struggles with all of humanity. He's not fighting and kicking the entire world.
It is just with me.
His mama.
And I can't outsource these battles.
These are battles only I can fight. Because they are battles only I must win.
We've been battling everything out for weeks now...but today took it to a new level. We normally only have one fit a day - and that is anywhere from 15-45 minutes. (Although one day it was an hour and 15) But today? Today we had one GOOD hour. Of the entire day. And that is obscenely exhausting.
Clearly.
It will be worth it in the end. I'm sure of it.
I just had no idea "strong-willed child" came with a turbo feature.
I must go -
my reservation for "Crazy mama, table for 1" is ready.
(and if you think about it...please pray for my endurance.)
~Whitney
Copyright 2013
All "strong willed" children come with a turbo feature. And some, just some, come with sneaky turbo feature for added specialness. I know it's hard. And I know it STINKS. But just like in exercise, you are building up your endurance. Also remember God's strength is perfect, gosh, he helped Paul, yes? You got this. Like a BOSS.
ReplyDeleteyou just encouraged me, challenged me, and made me laugh. You rock. :)
DeleteLynn Martindale once told me that boys - no matter how young - all have a built in God-given desire to "rule" over women, even their mama's (or especially their mama's). They absolutely still need to obey and respect us, but just keeping that in mind helped me through some of those unbelievably trying times.
ReplyDeleteah, sin. such a bummer.
Deleteagain I know u hate advice, but take him off all sugar and fruit juice & food coloring...this RADICALLY changed a lil boy that I babysat from the time he was 2-6 yrs old
ReplyDelete-Ceste
I don't hate advice at all! we have actually tried that (among other dietary adjustments) and it had no impact whatsoever. :) But I appreciate the suggestion!
DeleteI find that when Dad is gone the kids push the boundaries and have meltdowns for no apparent reason. They don't know how to express what they are feeling so it comes out in other ways.
ReplyDeletecompletely agree with you. After 3 girls, I'm just more used to tears. :)
DeleteWant to ship him out one night next week!!! I'm willing!!!
ReplyDeleteI remember leaving Chucky Cheese one day with Mason and Sarah.......well Sarah, did not want to leave. (She was the very stronged will little one!!!)
I remember her kicking and screaming all the way to the car. When I tried to put her in her car seat she arched her back and went STIFF!!! I could not bend her to get her in the seat!! Never experienced this as a mother so as a grandmother this was quite an experience for me.........I truly did not know what to do. I'll never forget some of the stares I got from other people going to their cars. I remember staying calm.....not sure how! I finally got that little one in the seat, still screaming I don't want to go!!! Before we got home she was asleep!!!! I remember feeling totally helpless thinking how can this little thing be getting the best of me!!!! I bought a book, how to deal with the strong willed child............I still have it! This to shall pass!!! LOVE HUGS PRAYERS and strength coming your way!!!! I can bring the book over!
I love you Whitney - I'm sorry you're so exhausted. Seriously, and I really mean it, drop Landon off sometime fora boy playdate. I'd love to help you out <3
ReplyDeleteGrandma Two is right. You were too.
ReplyDeleteYou ARE a great mom. Doing this without your other half makes it even more difficult. But you are a strong person and YOU will win. Just think about what he will say when he is 18 and reads your blog.
Love u, A. Sara
Sing your song like you do with the girls. He will figure out you are not giving in.
Love you, Aunt Sara