My biggest heartache is whenever My Love deploys. I can't imagine the pain that would come from losing a spouse...because the ache of loneliness that comes from sleeping in an empty bed, or not having loving arms nearby, or the exhaustion of having all parenting decisions rest on my shoulders....can be overwhelming, and he is supposed to return.
Whenever My Love is deployed, I am amazed at all the random things that can trigger the wash of emotion that is close-to-impossible to hold at bay.
Sitting in church and seeing all the couples.
Watching other kids run up to their Daddy.
An understanding touch shared between a couple.
A sentimental card
A song on the radio
Having something really, really funny to say....but no one to hear it.
I would imagine there are things like that throughout life whenever a loved one passes away. And deployment can - at times - feel like a death. You have to discover a new normal without them. You can talk to them - sometimes. But there can be days, or weeks, with no communication at all. (Basic training, or OCS anyone??) I would not claim to fully understand the complexities of life after someone indelibly marked on your heart dies....but I can't imagine it being an easy process.
The blessing of deployment....the curse of deployment....is encountering those triggers every day.
Because each one reminds me of the depth of my love for the man who holds my heart.