Navy Beans: Oh Poop.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Oh Poop.

You think your job is crappy?

It is unfortunate for my children that I have a blog.

Because, when we have experiences like we did this week, I put them on the world wide web.

No longer do embarrassing stories stay relegated to the baby book or the birthday dinner.

Nope.

Now they are easily accessed by anyone in the world.

At any time.

Payback is sweet.

Poor, poor, Bitty Bean. She has regressed in her potty training. For some reason (Most likely because My Love is away) she has not pooped in the toilet for the last week.

She has pooped. Just not on the throne.

(Which is odd because she has not had a problem with it for over 6 months, and I totally call it a throne and let them be Queens when they use toilet.)

I would like to say that I have been a calm, kind, and loving Mommy every time I have scraped poop out of her underwear and then washed them in the toilet.

I can't.

I have lost it and gone close to stark raving mad most times.

In fact, on Thursday when she called my name from upstairs and I went to see what she needed and I looked up and saw naked business covered in poop, I might have popped a blood vessel. But when I went in the bathroom and accidentally placed my bare foot in still-warm-poo on the just-mopped floor...quickly lifted up my foot...lost my balance....and planted my foot in another piece on the freshly-washed rug....something snapped.

I told that little Poop Power Plant to stay right where she was. Then, I went into my own bathroom and muttered many unwritable things under my breath.

Eventually, I was able to clean her, the floor, the rug, and the toilet up.

So, that all brings me to Saturday. Saturday. The day where Boy Bean decided it was his shift at the Poop Power Plant. Before I continue about him, let me say - he has pooped every day this week. Like clockwork. Mid-morning and mid-afternoon - perfectly on schedule.

But Saturday would have convinced anyone that the work site had been under construction for a while, because, he loaded 9 - NINE - poop diapers.

I apologize to the neighborhood for how much my trash bins stink.

I wasn't upset, or even annoyed. Clearly, he needed to clean out his system. However, the veritable straw that broke this Mama's back....came from the Bitty Bean.

She was quiet - which is always wildly disconcerting in this house of insane mayhem - so I went hunting. There she was, hiding in the living room, with a green cloud of smog surrounding her.

This time, I didn't get angry.

I sat down and cried.
Real tears streamed down my face...my nose was already running from the smell.

Quietly I took her and the Boy to my bathroom to clean her up and bathe them both.

And that is when I discovered Bitty Bean's current poop in her panties....was her 2nd of the day. I knew that because, dear people, there was poop clearly smeared on the front of my toilet...on the toilet seat...and a slight smattering on the floor. As I wiped the tears and squared my shoulders for the next cleaning job...