Something my children have absolutely no problem expressing.
And, while I seek to be straightforward in my blog - I think I've put up a bit of screen about what my life is REALLY like at this moment.
The transition from 3 children to 4 children has been exceptionally overwhelming lately. I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling like I've been tossed in the deep end and barely keeping my head above water - but that is how I feel.
At the end of each day, I normally look around the house and see mess. Dirty windows, dirty floors, toys strewn, dusty everything, sticky counters, dirty bathrooms, mountains of laundry to fold.....I could go on, but you get the picture.
If I DON'T see that image - then I know I didn't play with Boy Bean....or play and read with Bitty Bean....or play and read and work in school with Jumping Bean....or talk and dance with String Bean.
I don't know how to balance it all.
I can't think in a messy house.
But I can't be the mommy I want to be if I have a clean house.
I just feel surrounded by failures.
But some days, I would just really like to have a clean house AND be a good mama AND have a yummy dinner for My Love.
Right now all those "ands" are "OR."
I truly love my life. LOVE IT!!
But I'm overwhelmed and tired. Perhaps that is just the way things are when life involves a 5 1/2 year old, a 3 1/2 year old, a 22 month old, and a 4 month old.
Much more to come on this particular topic....
Copyright 2011
Aw, I feel for you Whit. Don't be too hard on yourself, it'll get easier soon. I guess there isn't really much I can SAY, it would probably be more helpful to DO, like help out. Let me know if I can do anything. Even just a phone call, I'll describe to you the look of my messy house, and it will be insta-encourage, promise!! Or stop Taylor and Lena by and take some Mommy time shopping :-)
ReplyDeleteWhit, As i read your post, it made me think of my life when I had Jonathan. I never thought I could get the hang of things especially when I was working on my master's and pumping in the bathroom at school. It's nice to know others have struggles and I am not alone. My life is together right now but it will soon change when number four arrives. All this to say is life is full of unwanted burdens but if our children come before the cleaning, then so be it. You may have struggles right now but God will make you stronger in the end!-)
ReplyDeleteWhitney - I pretty much feel broken and like a failure in life every. single. day. Seriously. No joke. I cry a LOT. Why? Because I feel like I'm falling apart having to give my 100%, 24/7, to about five million different things. My house is never clean. My school work is never done. I rarely cook full family meals (because it's pretty much pointless when I'm the only one who REALLY eats it), and not a day goes by when I feel like I've given my children as much attention and alone time as I think I should. On top of it - I have zero support. No one to turn to in the evenings when I'm overwhelmed and overexhausted. No one to tell me everything will be okay. No one to give me a moment's rest during the day or the evening.
ReplyDeleteI don't really think there is a solution to this issue... LOL. As mothers who love their children, whether we work or stay at home, we never feel like we "have it" 100% of the time. I think it's all related to how we constantly yearn and strive to be a better person. It's a life-long process that will never be complete. However, I think we're both doing an awesome job! Our families are health and happy and we have wonderful husbands who love and support us. In life, you really can't ask for more :)
In the meantime, I "call" your mother's guilt (poker humor) :)
Hmm. I just recently told my parents that I need a wife. My being an over-the-road trucker's wife is probably similar in ways to being a Navy wife...only you have 3 more kiddos than I do at this moment : )
ReplyDeleteWhitney!!! I had 4 children in less than 6 years! So.....I can relate. The answer is HOPE! It IS coming! That clean house, those untired days! But, the "change" will be that those darling children will be gone. Get your priorities where God wants them--raising Godly children. Develop a blind eye to dirty windows, and undone cleaning, and train those kids the way you know God wants them. Bitty Bean will train herself when she wants to....I know that won't come soon enough for you, but she's a girl, and most girls don't like messy/wet diapers.eventually.usually.hopefully....I only know of one exception. You REALLY ARE doing the best you can with a heavy load. "Cast your cares on Him, for He cares for you." (Forgot where that is, but it's in the NT!)
ReplyDeleteYou also could be suffering from a bit of postpartum depression....Don't try to go that alone. (From one of your admirers)
PS. Any of you who live close by---Don't wait for Whitney to call you--go by and DO something!
Thanks for being honest... I know this feeling WELL! I too often feel tired, overwhelmed, and like a failure in every area. Pretending to have it all together when we don't doesn't help ANYONE! Keep doing your best... and let that be ENOUGH. The Lord will take care of the rest. (well, He might not show up to clean your house... but you know what I mean!) I have learned that I cannot possibly meet every need of every member of my family... and that's OK! I am not supposed to be able to! Accept help graciously, pray often, and don't apologize for being human!
ReplyDeleteI. Can. Relate. Nuf said. I just keep telling myself that IF I can just make it til fall, my life will be COMPLETELY different--oldest in kindergarten and my middle child in morning preschool Tuesdays and Thursday leaving me with only ONE for TWO MORNINGS a week!!!
ReplyDeleteOh gosh, I totally understand!!! (although I think it's probably the main reason why we are at 3 kids now instead of doing the plunge and having 4!) But goodness, I'm lucky if I can see my floor at the end of the day. Hahahahahaha!
ReplyDelete