Something my children have absolutely no problem expressing.
And, while I seek to be straightforward in my blog - I think I've put up a bit of screen about what my life is REALLY like at this moment.
The transition from 3 children to 4 children has been exceptionally overwhelming lately. I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling like I've been tossed in the deep end and barely keeping my head above water - but that is how I feel.
At the end of each day, I normally look around the house and see mess. Dirty windows, dirty floors, toys strewn, dusty everything, sticky counters, dirty bathrooms, mountains of laundry to fold.....I could go on, but you get the picture.
If I DON'T see that image - then I know I didn't play with Boy Bean....or play and read with Bitty Bean....or play and read and work in school with Jumping Bean....or talk and dance with String Bean.
I don't know how to balance it all.
I can't think in a messy house.
But I can't be the mommy I want to be if I have a clean house.
Bitty Bean is ready to potty train - but I haven't been able to do it because of nursing Boy Bean and the daily required-leaving-of-the-house for String Bean's school.
I just feel surrounded by failures.
I'm thankful for the mess because that means my Beans are home and can make one. They aren't in the hospital. They aren't paralyzed. They aren't grown-up and living on their own.
But some days, I would just really like to have a clean house AND be a good mama AND have a yummy dinner for My Love.
Right now all those "ands" are "OR."
Please tell me I'm not the only woman to struggle with balancing it all. I know many will say "just let the dishes be" or "have them wear dirty clothes" - but the problem is, I do! The dishes often sit in the sink all day before I can get to them and the mountain of laundry is with things being worn the maximum number of times possible.
I truly love my life. LOVE IT!!
But I'm overwhelmed and tired. Perhaps that is just the way things are when life involves a 5 1/2 year old, a 3 1/2 year old, a 22 month old, and a 4 month old.
Maybe, as Flannery O'Connor said, I need a wife.
Much more to come on this particular topic....