Friday, December 16, 2011

It's time....

So, I knew this day was coming.

Every beginning has an end.

But, even though I was eagerly anticipating the end....I was also anxiously awaiting the final moment.

That moment when your life changes forever is sometimes loud and obvious 
(Like a move, or a death, or a huge decision)
...and sometimes it is quiet and barely noticeable 
(Like walking by a guy in an country line dance club, or a surprise plus sign, or 
landing on a church via the internet because it starts with "A")

She is NOT covered in blood - it is the Christmas Oreo filling.

I would have never thought 3 years and 2 months ago (October, 2008), a phase was beginning and would last until now. I didn't think I was starting a bootcamp phase of change.

But it did.  And I was.

What happened way back then? What is ending now?

Pregnancy and Breastfeeding.

Yes, I was pregnant with String Bean in 2005, and Jumping bean in 2007; but I breastfed them for one month and two months (Respectively), so I had breaks in between of not sustaining life.

When I found out I was pregnant with Bitty Bean....on October 31st, 2008....just before I went out with friends as Sarah Palin....it started a 38-month-long period of pregnancy/breastfeeding/breastfeeding pregnant/pregnancy/breastfeeding.

And it just ended. 

December 6th was not a remarkable day; except that was the day Boy Bean didn't nurse.  And hasn't nursed since then. It was so unremarkable - so quiet of an exit - I almost didn't notice. It has taken me a week to just have time to process the final end of this phase.

This place where I was physically made aware of my selfishness and my challenge at putting others before myself.

I never thought I would breastfeed for a whole year (Add that to the list!) - but I am so glad I did. Now, as I'm packing up my nursing cover, nursing tanks, and breast pads, it seems almost surreal.

My little beans are growing up.

Maybe, just maybe, so am I.

~Whitney
Ps. Extended thoughts on breastfeeding/personal anecdotes may just need to find an outlet on this blog.

Copyright 2011

5 comments:

  1. WOW! I know exactly what you are talking about. Even though my little guy is almost 4 months...the last day he bfs...I've been thinking about what that day will be like. :( ~ Kristina

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  2. I too am experiencing my first time of not being pregnant or nursing--since December 2002!!! My baby has been (self)weaned for a month now and I understand the sense of loss that women feel. Not that I mind having my own body back and the ability, Lord willing, to lose quite a bit of weight(unlike you, I have save exactly 10 pounds from each pregnancy...I have 5 children...that math is not hard even this early in the morning). But I do still feel sad to not have a baby that needs me. ;) Love your blog.

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  3. I understand! M & E both weaned all by themselves and it took about a week to realize "OH yea! You haven't nursed in a week!" A on the other was weaned with lots of encouraging at the age of 2 yrs 2 months. Poor guy. Mom just wanted her body back!

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  4. Awww...yes I've been thinking about when E is done BF. He still does a couple times a day. He refuses all sippy cups so we're just going with it as long as he wants. It will be a sad day but its exciting that they are growing! Happy almost birthday to your little man!

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  5. ps. is C's hair really that dark now?? I thought she was blond like the other ones?

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Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement!