Every beginning has an end.
But, even though I was eagerly anticipating the end....I was also anxiously awaiting the final moment.
That moment when your life changes forever is sometimes loud and obvious
(Like a move, or a death, or a huge decision)
...and sometimes it is quiet and barely noticeable
(Like walking by a guy in an country line dance club, or a surprise plus sign, or
landing on a church via the internet because it starts with "A")
|She is NOT covered in blood - it is the Christmas Oreo filling.|
I would have never thought 3 years and 2 months ago (October, 2008), a phase was beginning and would last until now. I didn't think I was starting a bootcamp phase of change.
What happened way back then? What is ending now?
Pregnancy and Breastfeeding.
Yes, I was pregnant with String Bean in 2005, and Jumping bean in 2007; but I breastfed them for one month and two months (Respectively), so I had breaks in between of not sustaining life.
When I found out I was pregnant with Bitty Bean....on October 31st, 2008....just before I went out with friends as Sarah Palin....it started a 38-month-long period of pregnancy/breastfeeding/breastfeeding pregnant/pregnancy/breastfeeding.
And it just ended.
December 6th was not a remarkable day; except that was the day Boy Bean didn't nurse. And hasn't nursed since then. It was so unremarkable - so quiet of an exit - I almost didn't notice. It has taken me a week to just have time to process the final end of this phase.
This place where I was physically made aware of my selfishness and my challenge at putting others before myself.
I never thought I would breastfeed for a whole year (Add that to the list!) - but I am so glad I did. Now, as I'm packing up my nursing cover, nursing tanks, and breast pads, it seems almost surreal.
My little beans are growing up.
Maybe, just maybe, so am I.
Ps. Extended thoughts on breastfeeding/personal anecdotes may just need to find an outlet on this blog.