Friday, December 16, 2011

It's time....

So, I knew this day was coming.

Every beginning has an end.

But, even though I was eagerly anticipating the end....I was also anxiously awaiting the final moment.

That moment when your life changes forever is sometimes loud and obvious 
(Like a move, or a death, or a huge decision)
...and sometimes it is quiet and barely noticeable 
(Like walking by a guy in an country line dance club, or a surprise plus sign, or 
landing on a church via the internet because it starts with "A")

She is NOT covered in blood - it is the Christmas Oreo filling.

I would have never thought 3 years and 2 months ago (October, 2008), a phase was beginning and would last until now. I didn't think I was starting a bootcamp phase of change.

But it did.  And I was.

What happened way back then? What is ending now?

Pregnancy and Breastfeeding.

Yes, I was pregnant with String Bean in 2005, and Jumping bean in 2007; but I breastfed them for one month and two months (Respectively), so I had breaks in between of not sustaining life.

When I found out I was pregnant with Bitty Bean....on October 31st, 2008....just before I went out with friends as Sarah started a 38-month-long period of pregnancy/breastfeeding/breastfeeding pregnant/pregnancy/breastfeeding.

And it just ended. 

December 6th was not a remarkable day; except that was the day Boy Bean didn't nurse.  And hasn't nursed since then. It was so unremarkable - so quiet of an exit - I almost didn't notice. It has taken me a week to just have time to process the final end of this phase.

This place where I was physically made aware of my selfishness and my challenge at putting others before myself.

I never thought I would breastfeed for a whole year (Add that to the list!) - but I am so glad I did. Now, as I'm packing up my nursing cover, nursing tanks, and breast pads, it seems almost surreal.

My little beans are growing up.

Maybe, just maybe, so am I.

Ps. Extended thoughts on breastfeeding/personal anecdotes may just need to find an outlet on this blog.

Copyright 2011


  1. WOW! I know exactly what you are talking about. Even though my little guy is almost 4 months...the last day he bfs...I've been thinking about what that day will be like. :( ~ Kristina

  2. I too am experiencing my first time of not being pregnant or nursing--since December 2002!!! My baby has been (self)weaned for a month now and I understand the sense of loss that women feel. Not that I mind having my own body back and the ability, Lord willing, to lose quite a bit of weight(unlike you, I have save exactly 10 pounds from each pregnancy...I have 5 children...that math is not hard even this early in the morning). But I do still feel sad to not have a baby that needs me. ;) Love your blog.

  3. I understand! M & E both weaned all by themselves and it took about a week to realize "OH yea! You haven't nursed in a week!" A on the other was weaned with lots of encouraging at the age of 2 yrs 2 months. Poor guy. Mom just wanted her body back!

  4. Awww...yes I've been thinking about when E is done BF. He still does a couple times a day. He refuses all sippy cups so we're just going with it as long as he wants. It will be a sad day but its exciting that they are growing! Happy almost birthday to your little man!

  5. ps. is C's hair really that dark now?? I thought she was blond like the other ones?


Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement!