They are wonderful.
They are horrible.
They remind me of everything I love about him...of every single space in my day that is empty.
We had the treat of 3 times to Skype over the past 2 days and it was truly a treat! But it made me re-miss him anew.
I don't have any great wisdom in this area. I don't have any brilliant quotes. I just have what I've experienced...and nobody really talks about the flip-side of the phone call...but I must. The phone calls leave me happy and sad and encouraged and overwhelmed.
And I am reminded of one constant - Deployment is hard.
It is hard on those left at home. It is hard on those away. While each of us copes, and deals, and manages - what else can we do?? - it doesn't make the daily challenge less of a challenge. I honestly struggle with the fact that I often go through a day and don't miss My Love - I haven't the energy or time! I can't be walking around falling to pieces - I have 3 little ones relying on me for stability...and one little one relying on me for everything....so I compartmentalize. "I'll think about it tomorrow." I say to myself.
I choke back the tears when String Bean prays for Daddy...or Jumping Bean wants to take her daddy blankie with her everywhere she goes....or Bitty Bean buries her face in her daddy pillow to give him kisses goodnight.
And honestly, I'm scared. I'm scared if I were to REALLY start to cry...I wouldn't stop. And I know that would not be right.
So I will cry a few tears at a time...I will remember that God has a plan for our family - and He will give us the strength to get through wherever He leads us - and I will remember that difficulty...challenge...pain....is not a horrible thing.
There's always a flip-side.