In light of my being pregnant for the 4th time and encountering the joys and challenges that brings... I have been feeling rather nostalgic. As I limped around the house yesterday feeling like I had the flu - I first praised the Lord for the Baby growing inside, and then recalled that I actually DO get the flu... EVERY TIME I am pregnant. So, in the spirit of mass education, (and hopefully allowing you your laugh for the day at my expense) I am going to be sharing some of my more interesting moments from pregnant history over the next few weeks.... Here's to story #1
In August of 2005 I was 8 months pregnant with our first child. I was as big as a beached whale - and hoped everyday that I managed to shove my swollen feet into matching shoes (I had no idea if they matched, since I hadn't seen my feet in a very long time.) I was also alone for the majority of my pregnancy since my hubby was off galavanting through the Caribbean and Europe with the Navy ship on which he was stationed. (But that is really not the point of the story)
Anyway, during my 34th week I managed to contract food poisoning. What Joy. I was throwing up every 20 minutes for 4 hours - which is never fun, but imagine trying to do that with a bowling ball attached to your stomach! Once I finally was able to reach my doctor they instructed me to go directly to the hospital. Thankfully, I only lived 10 minutes from the hospital, so I waited to throw up one more time and then waddled down to my car and hoisted myself in. (Did I mention it was 2 in the morning??)
Unfortunately, that was the only time I needed to puke in less than 20 minutes. Naturally. So I found myself pulling to the side of the road, getting out of my car, squatting on the edge of the road, and throwing my guts up. Suddenly, lights came up behind me - and in my Oh-so-rational-state - I knew I was about to have my car stolen and be killed. Seriously. I mean, I was probably the easiest car jacking target ever. Fortunately for ME, it was a Policeman who stopped to assess the situation. UNfortunately for him, he was probably fresh out of the Academy and convinced I was in labor... and he looked about 12. When he saw my girth and the tears streaming down my face - he was not the calmest person around. In fact, he totally started freaking out!
He started yelling "Don't have this baby now!!! I gotta get you to the hospital!!"
I looked up at him inhaled all the composure I had left, and said "SHUT UP! I am not having a baby! I have food poisoning." Naturally he didn't hear me.
So again I said "SHUT. UP. I am ill - I'm NOT in LABOR!!!"
Finally he heard me and offered to drive me the rest of the way to the hospital. I was happy to take him up on his offer so I lumbered over to the squad car and started to open... the back door. Well, I didn't know! He got all flustered and directed me to the front seat, which I found exceptionally cool. (That was my one and only time ever riding in a cop car)
He radioed ahead to the hospital and said "I have a massively pregnant woman I'm bringing to the ER - have a wheelchair ready!"
Then he looked at me apologetically and sheepishly said "Sorry - but you are HUGE!" (Really wasn't the best apology - but at least he was accurate!) We arrived at the hospital and they met me with a wheel chair. The policeman then kindly took my keys and went back to bring my car to the hospital! He brought my keys up to my room, checked on me, and then went off to continue helping the other crazy people in our city.
Thankfully, I survived and now have an extremely grand story to regale the generations with! Have you ever had an experience where all went wrong but turned out right?