Navy Normal

Well, one month down.

A fact I would know even without a calendar.
Because there are normal things that happen with the Beans, when that man of mine leaves....

The first week is some sad (not a lot) because the length of the separation hasn't sunk in. But it is definitely present because they are used to having Daddy in EVERYTHING, and suddenly - he's not. This means a lot of hugs. Extra time spent to hear their hearts. And focusing on the good even in the hard.

The second week is when Bitty Bean starts waking up with nightmares. Screaming and sobbing and wild eyed. And Boy Bean normally starts a hunger strike around the end of week two/beginning of week three.

Week three is when the rest of the Beans (that is THREE humans, if you lost track) get nightmares and start sleepwalking and are fearful of Daddy dying and never coming home. Week three = no sleep for mama.

But Week four? That is the week I get a peek into 10 years down the road when we will have 4 adolescents in the house, all full of emotion and hormones. Week four is crammed full of sobbing and whining and fighting and disobedience and lines-in-the-sand and epic battles and annoying-your-sibling-to-death.

This week has been rough. 

For the past few days, whenever we are home...someone is crying.
At least one person.
Typically 3.
I have sat and had battles of pure will with my 2 year old man-child.
I've sought to comfort and divine why the 4 year old Bitty Bean was sobbing for her 5th straight hour...Bitty Bean said she had no idea but the tears just wouldn't stop.
The Blonde Jumping Bean cries until she laughs maniacally and then cries again - and that has gone on for 3 hours; interrupted by short bursts of energy to hurl a matchbox car at any passer by.
The String Bean (at the mature age of almost-8) could have a PH.D in eye-rolling. And arm-crossing. And basically thinking she's too cool for everything.


But overall?
These kids are awesome. 
They are resilient.
They are a clan.
They are mine.

So while, yes, week four is not really my favorite week....sweet, precious moments have happened anyway....

Jumping Bean was sobbing today and she would not tell me what was going on.
But String Bean? She just sat next to her sister and said,

"You can cry. Its okay. If you want to talk - I'm here. If you don't - I'm here. I love you. This is what sisters do." 

After continuing to cry (deep, shoulder shaking, bring-on-the-hiccups, sobs) for 5 more minutes...she finally choked out what the problem was. She was sad about a friend moving away - her very good friend from kindergarten - and worried that she would never see her again. And worried about starting first grade in a new school. And scared of riding the bus. And petrified of no one being her friend.

And then, the older sister who had rolled her eyes at the antics of the blondie all day long; the older sister who has been suddenly "too cool" to hang with the younger kids; the older sister who is extremely rational. That one? She just hugged her Jumping Bean tight.

She said,

"Of course you will have friends at school! You have me and you have Jesus! And only crazy people wouldn't like you - because you are awesome."

To which Jumping Bean replied,
"But I'M crazy! I LIKE crazy people!"

:)

Then, tonight before bed, Bitty Bean started crying. Sobbing really...I mean, there was a lot of snot. When I asked what was the problem, she said,

 "It feels like Daddy died. You know, Mommy? I mean, he's gone on the boat but we never see him. I don't want him dead.  I want him home."

And Jumping Bean immediately went over and hugged her. And said,

"We all want him home. But he's doing his job. And taking care of us. He'll come home soon. 

When his job is done."

And THAT is the Navy Normal.

~Whitney Copyright 2013

apart....

Well, My Love is gone.
While he is not gone for a long time in Navy terms...he's still gonna be gone for about 2 months.
And that is at least 120 baths, 60+ goodnights, countless hugs, thousands of laughs, and some tears.

He'll miss String Bean's birthday, and the first day of school.

He already missed Jumping Bean's first tooth falling out. 

Which she pulled out BY HERSELF, in the car, on the way to swim lessons. 

And then it was dropped and lost forever in the crevices of the Swagger Wagon. 

Her biggest concern?

"I'll still get my dollar, right?!"

And String Bean starting braces. (Last picture before treatment began!)

He missed a visit from the tooth fairy....she only comes when you're awake for the first tooth. 

Sporting wings and dress up clothing and giving dental hygiene advice. 

So I've been pulling double duty. (Triple, if you count the always-2-days-late-tooth-fairy)

Which means Mommy goodnight kisses (soft and gentle), followed by "Daddy kisses" (noisy and silly). It means extra hugs. Dance parties. Story time about what Daddy does and how a Navy Ship works. There have been moments of extreme frustration (every day) from Boy Bean about this mama's pathetic ball-throwing skills. 

But Daddy being gone also means surprise hugs and kisses from my Beans. It means 4 kids conspiring to sneak down to make me breakfast one morning. Children helping with chores - happily - because Mama can't do it all. It means quiet pensive moments. It means we pray a lot.

Being separated is not my very favorite thing. 

But it isn't the end of the world, either.  

It is just a thing. 

He does his job. We do our jobs. 

And we learn to treasure these people we get to call family.

Anchors Aweigh.

~Whitney Copyright 2013

Who knew?

Who knew that finding out the LONG deployment was CANCELLED one day before My Love left would be hard news to take?

Who knew that we both would experience a blender full of emotions?

Who knew that the kids would be thrilled and ecstatic and have no trouble transitioning?

Who knew the grown ups wouldn't be quite as good at living out a limber schedule?

Not me.
Not My Love.

The roller-coaster of maximum emotion experienced in this last week...the week where he returned for what was supposed to be 4 days and then found out he was staying home until much later in the year....has come as quite a shock.

I didn't think my husband NOT leaving would fill me with an emotion other than elated joy.
But it did.

I was angry.
NOT about him staying.
But at how the news came out.
At the apparent lack of care our government has for the personnel it owns and the families attached to them.
At (what feels like) hours and months of work and prep to get our home and our children ready for him to leave....for nothing.
Anger about the plans that can't happen.
Anger about not getting to go to a Port Call. (Which is purely selfish, but it is an amazing perk of being a Military wife and I couldn't wait to finally go to one!!! I've always been too pregnant to go before.)

I wasn't excited about the actual deployment - but I guess I was excited for it to be a part of our story. It was finally our turn. Our friends have gone and gone and gone...isn't it time for them to get a break and for us to carry the banner?
It just doesn't seem fair.

I felt guilt.
Guilt that my husband would be home this Spring...and thousands of other sailors will not.
Sailors who already have missed half of last year at home.

I was confused.
Could I even be excited over this news?
Would they just change their minds again in two days?

And I am happy.
Thankful for each moment with My Love.
Thankful he is getting to experience this age - especially - with the Boy Bean.
Thankful all the weight that was resting solidly on my shoulders is no longer being born alone.

It is a tricky thing, this Military life.

So if my face periodically scrunches into confusion, I'm probably just recalibrating.

Because Holyheckamama, it is actually pretty hard.

~Whitney Copyright 2013

How to love a Military family....

Today I'm guest posting over at Life and Grace about loving on a military family....

which is slightly ironic now that the entire deployment has been cancelled!

Sarah is an amazing woman, excellent friend, and fantastic mama. 

So to be a part of a blog written by someone that totally awesome, is a pretty big treat!

If you do not already follow her blog - you should! 

She will challenge and encourage you. 

You will be a better person on this planet just for knowing her. 

I was quite excited about the series when Sarah first told me about it - and rather shocked that she asked me to guest post - because I'm a humongous fan of helping people out. Especially military families.

So, I'm here to share my suggestions on how to help military families dealing with a deployment. :) (This is neither all-inclusive nor 100% accurate...these are just my personal opinions. I have a lot of those.)

Helping a military family - loving on them - reaching out to them - is like reaching out to anyone, just the time table is super scrunched. Most civilians take 3 years to feel like they know someone "well." Military families just don't have that kind of time. Often, military families are closer to other military families instead of civilians - because the military fam will take a gamble on a new person quicker. (Please forgive the mass generalizations)

Also - I would say that every one of these could apply to a single person and a single parent. 

How can you specifically help.......

(To continue reading, please go to Life and Grace!)

~Whitney Copyright 2013

Ahhh, the military.

Yesterday, I was looking through our "love notes" from last year's Love Jar, and found this:

It was my 4 year old Jumping Bean's Love note to her Daddy. 

I Love when you go to work and sleep at our house. 

You are the sweetest ever.

Whenever Daddy gets to sleep at our house we are very thankful!!

Like today.
Daddy was supposed to walk on the boat tonight or tomorrow morning (after an unexpected 4 day port call) to leave for the big deal deployment.
And yesterday we found out that he won't.
The deployment was cancelled.
A day and a half before leaving.

While this is marvelous news for our household...and for over 5,000 other households...it does present some difficulty for many of the personnel attached to our boat.

People have cancelled their leases and their phone contracts, sold their cars, and moved all of their possessions to storage. Some people have sent their family back to wherever they are from to have support and community. Now the active duty member is here - not deployed - and the family is not. 

Logistically, it is a bit of a challenge. 
Food, fuel, supplies....all have been loaded on the boat, ready for Deployment.
All personnel have loaded their personal effects on the boat in preparation for a long underway.
Whoever is making the decision based on dollar signs  - is forgetting there are people attached to every single one.
This impacts thousands of lives, intimately.


Emotionally, it is an odd grab-bag mix. 
I'm ecstatic he's home.
But.
But I'm happy with reserve.
We have prepped and readied and trained for this deployment.
It is odd for all that work to not be used.
And, we still have friends deploying - just because we aren't doesn't mean the world is suddenly at peace.
I feel guilt over him NOT going - when so many I know have had to weather repeated deployments.

But despite all the crazy that is just normal life...

We are still extremely thankful whenever he goes to work and gets to sleep at our house.

Who needs a schedule anyway? :)

~Whitney Copyright 2013

Calendar Squares....

Calendar Squares.
(I.E. - The DUMBEST thing ever. )
What is a calendar square, you ask?

To me, it is a thing that creative women thought was a good idea to make non-crafters (like myself) stress out.  It is a thing women do for themselves...I don't know a single guy who gets all stoked about a calendar square.  Seriously.

Specifically, a calendar square is an Aviator thing (I've not heard of it for other communities...please correct me if I'm wrong!). Their general work space is the "Ready Room" - where they brief and de-brief and gather - a water cooler with flight suits, if you will.  On a wall in the Ready Room, the wives figure out a large something with 31 hooks/pockets on it. Ours is actually totally awesome. One of the wives has an extremely handy Dad....and he crafted a beautiful board with our squadron name on it and everything! (That part has been edited out for safety.)  :)

While the squadron is deployed, the board is loaded with special "squares" made by various families/friends of deployed personnel.  If you have a special day of a particular month, you can pick it and then craft your calendar square to suit the occasion. Otherwise, they just get put wherever in the month.

Are you tracking?

Sweet.

I am NOT crafty. I don't scrapbook. In fact the mess and clutter created by scrapbooking totally causes me to start twitching. The Beans all have baby books....but they are (most likely) the saddest looking things you've ever seen. Nothing special. Very Boring.

Sorry Beans, I have no idea when your teeth started falling out....I was too busy keeping you fed, clothed, and alive. Just trust they fell out. Oh, and about the Tooth Fairy? She is one seriously absent-minded chick....and she's always taking vacations! Maybe she will eventually snatch that tooth within a week of you losing it. But I wouldn't bank on it.

Back to the square. You are supposed to do one each month they are deployed.
I've never done one.

Not one.
The last time he was deployed was the first time I had even heard of calendar squares. We had a 5 year old, a 3 year old, a 15 month old, and I was in my third trimester with the Boy. My Love doesn't care about Calendar Square stuff, so I told him - they aren't happening. You will know I love you because I'm feeding and bathing the children every day. 
Thankfully, he was fine with that.

Fast forward to Tuesday night....after remembering about 10million wrong times to make my calendar square, I realized I had never actually DONE it. And My Love would be leaving in the morning.  Oops.  So Tuesday night found me doing the absolute bare minimum of the calendar square.

I didn't have any pretty paper - and we were out of plain paper - so I had to glue two chore sheets together and then cut them to the correct 5x7 size.
Redneck? A little.
I prefer to say "improvisation."

I had picked Valentine's day as our date....because it actually holds a lot of meaning for us.
It's the day we met.

10 years ago.

In honor of that, I glued a picture from our dating days on my square...sharpied a couple words....punched a hole for hanging it...and was done.

On the back, I hinted at the lack of creativity to come:

Creative success? Nope.
But, I view the calendar square (if you make one) as a glorious opportunity for embarrassment.

My Love, look out - 'cause I'm getting all daughter-of-Eve-crafty on you. :)

~Whitney
 Copyright 2013

Fear

I'm about to open up a scary can of worms.

About myself.
About separations.
About fear.

I try to keep a good face on separations and deployments - we picked this life, we knew this would be part of it, we've even had an easy time of it compared with most families.
But the truth? Well, sometimes you can't plaster a smile on.  Sometimes, even though I answer "fine" - it is only because I know you can't fully grasp...or don't really care to know...the full answer.

How are you?
Fine.
Such a tossed-around question. So rarely meant.

How ARE you?
For real.

For real?
For real, there are times fear grips my soul and I toss, sleepless, even though I'm exhausted.
Fear? Of what?
Fear of the unknown. Fear of the known. Fears for safety.
I don't know a military wife who hasn't had to grapple with the idea of someone knocking on their door. The fact that a normal part of life is updating wills and talking about what to do if he dies before he returns. Now, the odds are definitely in our favor - but the possibility is still there.
Sometimes I'm overwhelmed and tired and it doesn't matter because I must keep pushing.
Fear of failing on my end of this team. Of letting down the Beans, letting down My Love.
Sometimes I just reside in the land of "If." A place of unknown, no peace, and unrest.
Most days I can fight it.
Most days I'm not fearful.
But there are nights.
Nights that just seem to be laden with fear.
Sometimes I want to cry - even though I don't have it that bad.
Or even bad at all.
I know the truth....

2 Timothy 1:7 - 

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, 

but of power and of love and of a sound mind

Just some days it is harder to remember the truth.

How am I?
Tired.
Lonely.
I'm surrounded by people all day - people I love! But the nights are hard. The meal time battles, the baths, the homework, the bed time routine, the kitchen clean up, the laundry, it is just a lot to do. I'm not the first person - or the last - to go through this, but it is a lot. Some nights are easy.  Some are not. Some nights go according to plan...and then you have nights where you can't tuck a child in on time because they are crying over missing their daddy. Kissing his picture isn't good enough. And it falls on me to help their 3 year old heart understand and ease the ache. When something comes up with a boy and they need Daddy's perspective. . . all they get is me. When they wake up screaming from bad dreams - screaming for Daddy...they get me.
It is just hard.
And I have it easy. I am fortunate to be surrounded by friends who are like family. I even have family locally! I have an amazing community I can rely on...and it is still hard.

Sometimes I lie and say everything is great - because I don't have the time or energy to say otherwise. Sometimes I lie and say everything is great - because the person asking doesn't have the time to hear the real answer.
Sometimes I tell the truth and say everything is great - because it REALLY is.
Some days are easy.
Some days are hard - but it is easy to see the good, the funny, the beautiful in them.
Some days I am amazed at these wonderful Beans I get to hang out with and try my hand at training - because they are resilient. They are beautiful. They are strong. They are tender. They love fearlessly. They face fear and truthfully cry out for comfort.

So, when you think of me, could you pray that I do the same?

I want to face the fear and cry out for comfort.


~Whitney
 Copyright 2012

Truth...take 2

I don't know if this is normal for all people about to deal with deployment...but it is normal for me.

Although, I didn't really know it was normal...I've always chalked it up to being pregnant/crazy. Apparently, it is just my normal/crazy.

Good to know.

What am I talking about?

The amazing ability to be sitting and talking with my husband about something random like stationery, and laughing heartily...until suddenly I'm not.  Suddenly, I'm fighting back tears and losing miserably. I'm crying over STATIONERY!! And I'm just a ball of emotions and I don't want to be wasting time crying but I can't stop it. In a half second something triggered something and the length of time apart screams to the front of my mind.

So I cry.
I used to fight the random moments of meltdown.
Not anymore.
Now I know they will come at typically the most inconvenient moment possible.
I conserve energy and let the tears come - I recover faster, if I just let it flow.
I used to think it was a sign of weakness, that people would think less of me if I let my guard down...or that it wouldn't be good for the Beans to see Mommy have moments of insanity.
But I was wrong.
It is a blessing to allow people in to encourage and comfort.
It is comforting for the Beans to know I miss him too. It gives them space to be sad. It shows them it is possible to thoroughly enjoy a moment and still have a spot where things are not perfect.

I can't walk around as a basket case - and I don't think I do  - but allowing myself the freedom to actually register all the feelings is a good thing.

Thankfully, My Love knows me very well and is no longer freaked out by these unknown buttons that make me cry.

Like onions. Yep, onions.
I was cutting onions the other day (which always makes my chronic dry-eyes water like they are a reservoir) and I wasn't sad. I was happy!!! I was standing in the kitchen with a friend talking about curtains and fabric and then - out of nowhere - I started crying for real. I don't know why or how or what...but it just hit me that I will miss that man terribly.

He wants to fix it - to make me not cry and be sad.
But he can't.
This is his job.
A job we are thankful to have.
He must leave.
We must carry on in different parts of the world fulfilling our jobs.

Sometimes he just hugs me and lets me cry.
Sometimes he reminds me how very hard this will be on him too. A fact all too easy to forget.

I am not the only one dreading his absence.

He will miss birthdays and holidays and boring days and good days and bad days and silly stories and bed time stories and boo boos that need kissing and hearts that need mending. 

He won't be here for months of family movie night. 

He won't get to smell freshly washed children or laugh at how filthy they can get. 

He'll miss random hugs and kisses and spontaneous squeals of "I love you!" 

He'll miss teeth being lost and inches being grown and milestones being reached. 

He'll miss an entire phase of each Bean's life....poorly captured through email, limited pictures, and monthly phone calls. 

He'll be able to "see" us on Face time - but only in port calls.  

He'll miss hours of knock knock jokes. 

Poop explosions. 

Vomiting.  

The celebratory first day of summer. 

The first day of school.  

Family trips. 

Adventures. 

Moments. We will both miss. 

Sometimes it easy for me to only think of how sad I am that he will be gone....and I forget to think about his side. What he will miss.

If you see me and I am laughing and then dissolve into tears, don't be alarmed.
That is just me.
Too lazy for pretense.

~Whitney
 Copyright 2012

Truth....

Recently, I've been told by some people they don't feel I am honest about the difficulties military separations cause.

The trouble is, when I say "Oh, everything is fine! We are doing great." I AM being honest. We have hard days and rough spots - but overall, the separations we've dealt with this year, have been easy peasy.

My Love has been away for numerous schools/training throughout the year....
3 weeks in January in Georgia
3 weeks in June in Key West
6 weeks in July/August split between Nevada and California
3 1/2 weeks in October on the boat

Next week he leaves again.
6 weeks in Nevada.

Yep. You counted right - he'll be gone over Thanksgiving.
If the weather cooperates, he'll be home for Christmas. If not, we'll celebrate on our own day. We have moved birthdays and holidays and anniversaries for 9 years now....it doesn't even register anymore.

So, if you were adding up, that means he will have spent 21 1/2 weeks (just over 5 months) away from the family this year.

And he's not deployed.

The big-dog away is next year.

Here is my perspective on all those times apart....If you think I'm sugar coating this, or being Pollyanna, you are wrong.
This is me.
For true.

Every day - on the easy days, on the hard days, on the sad days, on the everything-is-breaking-and-the-kids-are-sick days - I remember how fortunate I am.
My husband is away - but that is not the worst thing ever.
We have a roof over our heads, food on our table, clothes on our backs. At any point I can kiss and snuggle my sweet children. Our car works. We have an amazing group of friends and family who pray for us and support us.
When the days seem long, or any of us in the house want to wallow in the "poor me" party - we stop and remember to focus on what we do HAVE, instead of what we don't have.
Discontent breeds misery. 
I have to stop wishing he wasn't away - and focus on the gift of knowing him at all.
I constantly remind the Beans on the hard days, "Be thankful you miss Daddy. That means he is kind, and loving, and wonderful. There are many children in this world who do not have the gift of a kind Daddy. They look forward to Daddy leaving - we are blessed to have a Daddy we miss."

I am also lazy.
It takes entirely too much energy to be miserable.
I know how exhausting being miserable is, because I've been there.
I've wallowed.  I've started to drown in my own loneliness and believe the lie I was bearing the hardest burden ever.
But it isn't.
These separations are nowhere close to the hardest thing ever.

Dealing with a separation is challenging. 

But it can also be a great thing.

You decide.

I am thankful for our history with deploying when My Love was enlisted - it helps me feel better prepared for what is coming.

Every separation has its own personality - but there are certain constants that I can count on....

The day before he leaves - we will all wear our cranky pants. Always. And we are all annoyed about being annoyed, so it just isn't pleasant.

The first week he is gone - all 4 Beans wake up (at least) once a night.  Typically, they each wake up twice. Hence....

The first week he is gone - I am exhausted out of my mind.  :)

The 3rd or 4th day - the children are all on pins and needles angry about everything. They will fight and cry and melt with reckless abandon.

The 2nd week is fairly smooth, the girls have adjusted to the schedule, everyone is sleeping through the night; but this is when the Boy tries to test what I'm made of.  So the 2nd week is full of highly intensive parenting.

By the 3rd week - we are in a rhythm.  Smooth sailing from there on out, in theory.
Holidays/birthdays/special days are hard - everyone misses Daddy.
Saturdays drag by and take forever...so I try to have a fun purpose for every Saturday.

Having a handy sense of humor is also a key to surviving separations....things will go wrong, kids will get sick, stuff you never planned on will come up....you can laugh (which is an awesome tool for anti-aging, burns calories, and keeps frowning wrinkles at bay) or you can melt and cry.

I cry sometimes. And melt sometimes.
But most of the time? I laugh.
I'm too tired to do anything else.


~Whitney
 Copyright 2012

Welcome home....

This week, My Love returned.
He was only gone for 3 1/2 weeks - so I didn't really care about pictures or documentation.

Thankfully, another aviator in the squadron completely ignored me - and took pictures.

Because I viewed this as Just 3 1/2 weeks....in comparison to a deployment, it wasn't a big deal.
To me.

But to the Beans?

Well, they could hardly sleep the night before his return. They had trouble eating due to excitement - even the boy! We had dealt with all the normal crazy of every separation - there are phases and steps we always go through - so, this welcome home was still quite sweet.

And, it was a Fly in. Which is super cool - and something we've never done before!

When My Love was enlisted, he always returned on his boat. 

When he last deployed as an aviator - he came home with the ship. 

All the other times he's gone away have been for schools - he always flew commercial

Waiting on the flight line, watching the aircraft bank to come in for a landing, knowing Daddy was in that plane...all 4 Beans waited with rapt attention. 

When we finally saw him, and he was close enough for us to run to...they ran.

I let them win. Because it was only 3 1/2 weeks.

Rest assured - when he comes home from the long one, I will be stiff-arming those ankle-biters out of my way. 

I will get the first kiss. 

The first hug.

I'm his favorite. :)

If you carefully inspect the above picture - you will see Boy Bean has his right arm raised with a clenched fist. That is because, seconds after the picture was taken, the Boy punched My Love in the nose. 

Welcome home.

~Whitney
 Copyright 2012

10 days...

10 days.

ONLY 10 days.

That is how long My Love has been gone so far. (He won't be home for a couple more weeks) In the grand scheme of life, it really isn't very long. With deployments lasting months on end - 10 days is not a big deal.

At all.

But.

Sometimes, I need to step back and think about what goes on during our times apart. What crazy/normal life looks like. What I don't think of as a big deal.

Like, say, explosive poop.

I apologize in advance if you have a sensitive constitution. 

Please skip this entire post.

I also apologize to Jumping Bean. 

Profusely.

But it isn't stopping me from sharing.  :)

As we left My Love on the pier last week, the Beans and I sat in the car and let it sink in.
This is the year. It's our turn.
Our turn to say the goodbyes and experience the separations and learn how to do life without our favorite man around.
It is our turn for those things....because our friends will soon be saying "Welcome Home."
They will finally get to re-learn how to do life with all parts of the family present.
They will not have an empty place at birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, school programs, and church events over this next year - because they did it this year.
Since we see those goodbyes and families missing each other - the beans know what they are about to do. The car was a bit sad, String Bean was crying, and everyone was quiet.

But not for long.

Within 2 minutes of leaving My Love, Jumping Bean yells out from the back of the Swagger Wagon
"I NEED to POOP!"
Being the understanding Mommy I am, I said,
"Hold it. We just took you to the head at the boat. You can wait the 15 minutes till we get home."
Insert groans and painful squeaks from the back.
"NO MOMMY!!! I CAN'T!"
String Bean, always happy to help, inserted,
"Are you sure it is poop? I mean, I think it is easier to hold poop in and not so easy for pee."

At this point, I'm acting very mature, and snorting my laughter.  

Jumping Bean, writhing in pain, says,
"Oh. It is for SURE poop. It is gonna come out! It hurts so bad!"
Bitty Bean (always curious) queries in her-oh-so-extremely-cute-voice,
"Is it diarrhea? That doesn't feel good."

Suddenly, the screeching and squeals in the back stop. And Jumping Bean asks a loaded question:
"What does diarrhea feel like?"

In the interest of maintaining some sense of decorum on this blog - although I'm pretty sure that has never been present - I will save you the in-depth, highly descriptive answers that String Bean, Bitty Bean, and yes, even I, gave. Just trust they were very informative. I doubt Webster's does a more thorough job.  

The description left me crying from laughter. And it made me realize I should probably stop at friends house to allow Jumping Bean to use their toilet.

Wise, wise, decision.

So now, I can honestly say, moments after my husband left - the poop, (very narrowly missed) the van. 

Thank you for chuckling.

So much more has happened over the last 10 days....but I'm afraid it will just have to wait. :)

~Whitney
 Copyright 2012

Cocoa Bean Moment...

Tonight was the drop off.

Time to drop off My Love again; to pack his bags; to say goodbye; to start an emotional roller coaster with the Beans.

As we waved and hollered goodbye out the car window, Bitty Bean added (at the top of her lungs)

"AND I JUST TOOTED!!!!!!!!!"

 A bitter moment, made sweet.

Then, as we were heading home, I asked the Beans if they wanted to talk to Jesus about what they were feeling and thinking.

Jumping Bean immediately started praying:

"Dear Jesus,

Thank you for my Daddy. 

Please keep him safe with you. 

Please keep us safe without him. 

We love him a lot because he is really pretty much the bestest ever....well, except Mommy. 

She's pretty awesome. 

I guess, thank you for her too. 

Help us to be brave girls without Daddy. 

Help us to love people, and help Boy to speak. 

Amen."

Side note: I did not tell her to say any of those things. Regarding Boy Bean's need for speech - at the moment he sorta says 7 words. His frustration level reaches epic proportions at the speed of light. The entire house would just be EVERSOMUCH happier, if he would just learn the word "yes."

That is our goal for the month of October.

Then Bitty Bean wanted to pray:

"Jesus,

Thank you for today. 

For today with Daddy. 

Thank you for Daddy and wrestling and hugging and playing with me. 

Thank you for my sisters learning things in school. 

Thank you for stories with Mommy. 

Thank you for Boy not hit me today. 

Thank you for potty at Daddy's work. 

Amen."

Side note: Bitty Bean had a NEED for a bathroom. That was quite a true bit of gratitude.
The comment about Boy not hitting her? Well, he has compensated for his lack of verbal skills by his aim with a matchbox car, baseball bat, ball, or any small object that can be lodged at a sister. Again, the entire house would just be EVERSOMUCH happier, if he would just learn the word "yes."
(String Bean asked to not participate.)

By both their prayers I was challenged.
They thanked God for what they were given.
Would they rather Daddy stay home? Yes!
(That was clearly articulated en route to drop off.)
Were they sad? Yes.
But they were still thankful.

Because we have been given much. 

~Whitney Copyright 2012

Hawkeye Ball

Well, we are Navy.

No Chair Force here

And My Love, is a Naval Aviator.


His aircraft is the E2 Hawkeye - which is pertinent today, because this weekend was the annual Hawkeye Ball.

(This is a picture from the weekend My Love was winged - 2 1/2 years ago. 

We didn't have Boy Bean, and Bitty Bean was only 6 months old.

 But this is the only picture I have of his aircraft.)

Unfortunately, My Love is away at school - 4 weeks down, 2 to go - so I went solo.


Fortunately, the people in his squadron are FUN - so I had a blast anyway.


The Hawkeye Ball is not as loaded with rules as the Dining out, but it is still a formal affair.

Translation: I got to dress up!

A friend came over and did my hair.....

A couple pictures of the "in progress"....

Here is the finished product: 

We did a little photo shoot.... and I felt pretty dumb standing there posing. 
I don't think I could EVER model.
(Not like I've had offers. Aside from being 5' 5" and smooshy. )
 It is just strange to be standing there having someone snap away!

Then off to the ball I went, in my wonderful Carriage, er, Toyota Sienna Swagger Wagon. 

The ball is always well attended. The military dress is for Choker whites or mess dress...which translates to a cocktail dress or formal/floor length in civilian terms. :) Basically, the clothing runs the gamut from floor length with a small train, to what I'm wearing! 

That is one of the fun parts for me - people watching.  There are prom dresses, and gloves, and updo's, and short dresses, and heels, and uniforms, and just all sorts of fashion commentary fodder. 

After the cocktail hour, we are all summoned to the banquet hall by "The Original Puff-Daddy"

While I'm not a huge fan of the bagpipe...

I mean playing a bagpipe is kinda of like throwing a Javelin blindfolded. You don't have to be very good to get everyone's attention....

this piper was enjoyable. 

In the banquet hall, each squadron was responsible for decorating their own tables....and I think our ladies did a wonderful job!

In the beginning of dinner, after the presenting of colors and the National Anthem; our attention is turned to the POW/MIA table. This is the table honoring and remember those who can't be with us - or who have missed these occasions in the past. This table set for one, with every item on it representing some aspect of their separation, how it effects the person away and all of us as a military community; is a sobering and respectful moment.  This tradition keeps us linked together through our military history - when one person is gone, we are all affected. As it says in the script:

Remember... all of you who served with them and called them comrades, who depended on their might and aid, and relied on them... for surely... they have not forsaken you.

Regarding the actual meal part of dinner....my food was good! 

If ever you go to a large gathering like this, please ignore the siren song of the ribeye. It will be undercooked and bleeding all over your side dishes.

Also, don't get the chicken. It will be dry as can be and tough.

People - listen to me: Get the fish. Always. You have the highest chance of it being cooked properly because the fewest number of people will have ordered it. AND it is typically the smallest entree, so if it is gross, your side dishes are not ruined. 

You can thank me later.

Overall, it was a great night.  Good memories made by all. 

~Whitney Copyright 2012

Navy Perks...

 We are fortunate enough to live on the Navy Base where the Navy Band School is located. Which means, periodically, we get to see them practicing - THROUGH our neighborhood!

We hear the beat of the drum and grab whatever we were doing...and run to the front step.

(We've been known to dance along a time or two)

Once they pass out of our sight...we rush to the backyard for a final glimpse.

Welcome to Mayberry.  :)

~Whitney
 Copyright 2012

Things the Navy makes me say....

This blog is about to get VERY Navy.  (See the last post)  Since Boy Bean was born, My Love has only been away 2 months and 2 weekends. That means we have been on our Sea tour (where they are deployable) and have had him home 15 out of 17 months. Which is completely unheard of.

This is what our family looked like the last time he left.

That is about to change.

Yesterday morning over breakfast, I was preparing the Beans for the next month.  We counted down the days until Daddy leaves....and then I counted out the days he will be gone.

Jumping Bean asked, "Will you make a paper chain, Mommy?"
"Of course!" I replied.

That was comforting because I only make a paper chain for 60 days or less.

"Will we get to talk to him one time while he is gone?" String Bean questioned.
I was able to tell her, "Probably every day. He will be in our time zone - and he won't be on the ship."

That was comforting because they know the feeling of going 3 weeks without hearing Daddy's voice.

"What about packages? Can we send him things - drawings and letters and treats?" Again, that was String Bean.
"Nope. He won't be gone long enough." What a treat to say!

Then the moment.  The moment IT hit. The realization that when Daddy is away 

- be it for one night or 100 - there are no Daddy hugs; 

no Daddy kisses; no Daddy to wrestle with; there is an empty seat at the table.

And Jumping Bean became very sad. "I know it is his job. But I sure wish it wasn't. I wish he would stay home with us always."

Before I could do anything - except nod in agreement - String Bean leaned over to her sis, gave her a hug, and said,

"I know sis. I like him home too. But in the Bible it says we should be 'joyful in all things' - and I think that means even when we are sad when Daddy is gone.  So lets talk to Jesus when we are sad. It will be okay - it will be hard - but Jesus is with all of us."

She's right. Whether or not we can make a paper chain, talk to Daddy, send him packages, see his face, or be with him - we are not alone.

Those are the things the Navy makes me say.

~Whitney Copyright 2012

Here we go again....

It's that time again....the birds are chirping, school is wrapping up, windows are open....and My Love is about to start his times away.

Workups.
Deployments.
Separations.

We've been exceptionally fortunate to have My Love home so much - but now is the time we remember we are a Navy family. Really, the only constant in our schedule right now is that everything is in pencil. My Love is home at the moment, but that is about to change.

Actually, over the next 3 months, he will be gone much more than he will be home - 

and that is just to prep for an eventual deployment! 

So, as we collect our paperwork and discuss our wishes if anything were to happen to either of us; as he teaches me how to care for our lawn; as I help the beans work through what new normal will be - we are soaking up every second of our time together.

As a family of 6.

When I think about the next year and a half, I'm not excited about the separation (I married him because I LIKE him!) but I am excited to see how we will grow and develop as a family through this adventure.

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best:
“Do not stop thinking of life as an adventure. You have no security unless you can live bravely, excitingly, imaginatively; unless you can choose a challenge instead of competence.” ― The Autobiography of Eleanor Roosevelt

We have chosen a challenge - and I intend to go through it with bravery, excitement, and imagination.  We will be traveling, going on adventures, and becoming a better team. 

The Beans will realize the important role they have in the running of the household.  We will all have sad days, hard moments, and frustrations - but we will face them and work through them...together.   

We will learn the importance of relying on others. 

I will be reminded that I can't do it all on my own.

 I know there will be days that everything will go wrong - children will be sick, appliances will break, I won't sleep, power will be out.  

I know I will be exhausted beyond belief. 

I know I will miss My Love's company. 

His nearness. 

His parenting viewpoints.

His reality checks.

His sense of humor!

The way he can talk me off a ledge.

Going through this now - although different than our other separations, it is still similar in many ways - which is great, because I have a better idea of what is coming my way; and terrible, because I have a better idea of what is coming my way.

Kind of like labor and delivery. 

The first time through, the fear of the unknown could just kill you.

The second time though - it is the fear of the known.

Either way, the difficulty of the next year will deliver us into shore tour.  

Hopefully there isn't a lot of screaming involved.

~Whitney Copyright 2012