Race cars and happy hearts.....

Last week we had our Awana Grand Prix, which was a BLAST!

Sorry I'm behind. That's how life goes sometimes

String Bean wanted a Shark with a wide open mouth....painted in a "mean-looking way."

Jumping Bean wanted a "Rainbow dolphin with a cloud on its bum."

These girls are not short on creativity!!

They thoroughly enjoyed the process of getting the cars ready - and the event itself.

String Bean ended up not winning, but was a good sport cheering her friends on. Jumping Bean managed to win 3rd in style, and 2nd in speed! She thought that was especially cool, because the Cubbies got to pick prizes instead of receive trophies.

And the other excellent and wonderful and marvelous thing that happened last week....was that Jumping Bean asked Jesus into her heart!

My little munchkin came downstairs and said,

"Mommy, I'm a naughty girl, but Jesus loves me anyway. I don't want to be naughty. So I told Jesus I'm sorry for all the naughty things I've done and asked him to forgive me and I want to be His girl and have him live in my heart so I can be more like him!"

I cried.

And then, 2 days later when she said, "Uh oh. I'm about to feel naughty. Let's talk to Jesus!"

I laughed.

Hard.

:)

 ~Whitney

Copyright 2011

Sometimes.....

(Regarding yesterday)

Sometimes....Motherhood is really hard.

Sometimes....everyone is crying and needing something and hungry and you just want to join right in with your own tears.

Sometimes...you just don't want to do what you are supposed to do.

Sometimes....you feel like all you do is repeat yourself, and repeat yourself, and repeat.....

Sometimes....discouragement is very easy to come by.

But.

Sometimes...Motherhood is Really, really fantastic. And amazing. And Grand.

Sometimes...you get to have a conversation with the little people in your care and speak to their heart - and HEAR their heart.

Sometimes...your house is full of sounds that are so beautiful you want to freeze the moment. You want to record it and have the laughter and giggles and "I love you" and squeals, played over and over.

Sometimes...the lessons are applied and the ears are open and you see glimpses of the wonderful people your children can become.

Sometimes...the perspective is right.

Today (unfortunately) is like the first set of "sometimes". It has been a battle. A war of wills.
And I have lost my temper. I have been discouraged.

But those sweet little sinful people who push my buttons and stretch me painfully and give me wrinkles and laughlines and gray hairs and loads upon loads of laundry.....THEY will wake up tomorrow ready for another adventure. Another great day....and I pray my perspective is right.

~Whitney


Copyright 2011

10 seconds...

A book.

A challenge undertaken.

A challenge to listen. To act. To step out.

To obey.

So far, in my 8 days of the "10 second rule," I have had small promptings....talk to that person, write a note, make a call, answer the questions of the children, focus beyond myself.

The goal is to place yourself in the habit of obedience - in the habit of listening. And already I can see the difference it is making in my focus.

But in the interest of honesty - although I wanted my focus to be corrected and my obedience to the Lord better and my life to not be wasted; I really didn't want to change.

I didn't want big things asked of me...

because then I'd have to do them.

Change is painful. 

Growth hurts. 

It tastes yucky. 

It makes you clumsy. 

But I don't want to be a baby Christian without real faith forever. 

So I'm taking this pain. 

I'm taking the intense self-evaluation. 

I'm facing fear. 

Because really, that is what holds me back from faith, from trust, from growth.  

My Fear. 

Fear of the unknown. 

Fear of not having control. 

Fear of looking stupid. 

Fear of what other people think. 

Fear of harming my name. 

Fear of harming God's name. 

I could excuse it - rationalize it - brush it away as reason. But the truth is I am a woman who doesn't believe Isaiah 41:10 

"DO NOT FEAR, FOR I AM WITH YOU; DO NOT ANXIOUSLY LOOK ABOUT YOU, FOR I AM YOUR GOD. I WILL STRENGTHEN YOU, SURELY I WILL HELP YOU. SURELY I WILL UPHOLD YOU WITH MY RIGHTEOUS RIGHT HAND." NAS

I am going to keep trusting, keep obeying, keep listening; and take baby steps away from fear...and closer to the God who created the universe, who parted the Red Sea, who breathed life into humanity - and is with me.

10 seconds....No Fear.

~Whitney

Copyright 2011

Bandwagon time.....

Sometimes, this girl (who likes to think she is unique) finds a bandwagon that is so good - so fantastic - she just has to jump on.

Which is really hard to do, because this white girl really doesn't jump.

But this idea of talking about what you are thankful for in light of Thanksgiving Day....is a really, really, good one.

So, in a nutshell, here is what I'm thankful for:  Rarely getting what I want.

Yep.

This is why:

If I had gotten what I wanted for my life......
I wouldn't have married My Love, because the military was not for me.
I wouldn't have four children by the time I was 29, because I wanted longer "couple" time with My Love.
I wouldn't be in the church I'm in, because I didn't want to live on the East Coast.
I wouldn't have been present at the birth of my nephew, because I wanted to move to Japan.

(And this is just the short list!)

There is a bit of a trend....can you spot it?

Basically,  the Author of my story likes me to trust Him.

A LOT.

I'm very thankful for how patiently He teaches me to trust Him, to not worry,  

and to check my perspective.

Regarding perspective, my crew has been sick for quite a few days now...which means I'm not really sleeping, Boy Bean is only happy if he is cuddling me, Bitty Bean has an obscene case of whining, and Jumping Bean and String Bean are emotional volcanoes.

Good times people, good times.

Here were thoughts at the end of a day when someone was crying for NINE STRAIGHT HOURS.....
(This is loosely based on a song from the 70's? 60's? I don't really know)

I love little noisy tots

Carpets full of spots

Messy.....everything

And laundry

I love unexpected hugs

Gifts that are bugs

Clothing being tugged

And kisses

And I love you too

I love never having silence

Knowing every prince

Songs from the potty

And fingerprints

I love kissing away tears,

Praying you through fears,

Turned "on" listening ears,

And Oxiclean

And I love you too!

I love early morning cuddles

Joy at rainy puddles

Wobbly toddles

And sound machines

I love riotous laughs,

Yummy smells after bath, 

Having fun with math!

And my dishwasher

And I love you too!

What things are you thankful for? What things to you have to turn around for perspective to BE thankful for?

~ Whitney

Copyright 2011

What I really want.....

Once upon a time....

back long ago in BC.... (before children)....

I worked.

For pay.

I used to say I was a working woman...but apparently that has some unsavory connotations

Because I worked during the day, I was unable to attend the Ladies Bible Study held at my church many of the younger women attended.
Thankfully, there was an evening Ladies Bible study group that met on Thursday evenings - but all of the women were closer to the age of my mom, than to me.

Did I mention my husband was deployed all the time? 

He was home so rarely I garnered raised eyebrows whenever I sat next to him in church!

So, because he was gone all the time, my nights were pretty kinda really lonely.  I wanted to be involved in a Bible study, but I also just didn't want to be home alone every night of the week.

And you know what? That Bible study - that group of women - impacted my life greatly. I was challenged to be a faithful daughter of God, a dependable wife, a woman who sought to live a life of thanksgiving - regardless of my situation.

It is amazing the perspective I gained on MY struggles when I learned about what these women - who seemed to have life "set" - had been through. My initial assumptions about them - who they were, what their lives had held,  what their lives were like presently - were completely wrong. I had assumed because they were always encouraging and kind, their lives were cake; they had not known sorrow; the future was clear to them.

Not one bit of those assumptions was accurate. 

They just knew the Peace-giver. They were well-acquainted with the Great Physician. They had walked through dark valleys - valleys darker than anything I've encountered - and God had led their every step. 

Perhaps I could have gotten all of that from a group of early-20's women who were either single or also newly-married.

But I kind of doubt it.

The kindness, humility, and steadfast faith I saw modeled by each of those women is rarely found in people who have not seen God's grace through great adversity.

Young women would have shown me I wasn't alone in my struggles.

But the women in that group showed me struggle is not unique to an age or phase of life - that God would get me through whatever He placed in my path, and that commiserating is rarely a wise decision.

What a blessing it was  that my husband was on an oft-deployed ship...

that I worked when I didn't know many other young-married-women doing the same....

because sometimes the very best thing for you - 

is exactly what you don't want.

~Whitney

Copyright 2011

Hooky.....

You know the days where your children are perfect and they do everything right and you are patient and calm and loving all day?

Or how about the days where your children are definitely NOT perfect, but it doesn't matter because you are patient and calm and loving all day anyway?

Or how about the days where you wake up to little faces wanting to dole out kisses and snuggles and love and your heart just explodes with thankfulness about this gift of motherhood??

Well, Saturday morning was not like those days. At all.

By the way, I am never perfect. There is always some way I royally screw up the day.  Which just means I am human. AND greatly in need of my Savior's grace, strength, and wisdom, to get me through each day.

Back to Saturday....I woke up cranky. VERY cranky. I was tired and just wanted to sleep....but I couldn't because I had four people who-can't-feed-themselves awake and hungry. My children were all being sweet and adorable and fun and funny.....but I just didn't want to be Mom on Saturday....

I wanted to sleep until I felt like waking up. 

AND wake up slowly. 

And then I wanted to eat what I wanted to eat, when I wanted to eat it, at whatever speed I felt like. I didn't want to discipline anybody. 

I didn't want to listen to anybody saying...pretty much....anything. 

I didn't want to check a diaper bag and make sure it was properly loaded. 

I didn't want to plan my day around naps, meals, feeding schedules, and other people's attitudes.

I wanted to just be selfish and self-consumed for one cotton-picking-morning.

Well, that didn't happen. Even though I acted like I was wearing an itchy sweater 2 sizes too small for quite a few hours.....and had to get an attitude check from My Love...eventually my attitude did improve. It was a slow, painful, process. I really just wanted to stomp my foot and whine "But I don't wanna!"....but then Boy Bean woke up and needed to eat and lunch needed to be made and noses needed to be wiped and laundry needed to be done and dishes had to be washed and booboos needed to be kissed all better....so I couldn't play hooky on motherhood.

The truth is, everybody struggles with their job. And that is normal. And expected. And accepted. People say, "Of course you don't like the people you work with every minute of every day! Naturally you have days you don't want to go to work!"

But not if your job is "mama."

It doesn't matter that the job is extremely hard. It doesn't matter that the job is utterly rewarding. Some days, you just want to skip work. And you can't. And - at least for me - there is a struggle.

There is a struggle between my natural selfish desires and my roles as mommy and wife and friend and daughter and sister. Because really, whenever you open yourself up to a relationship with another person - you are acknowledging there will be times where your wants and desires MUST take a backseat.  As "Mommy" - especially - this means all day of every day. Even after the beans go to bed - I still need to pull out the meat for the next night's dinner....I need to make sure all items are gathered in String Bean's book bag....I need to put the house back in order and the dishes away and fold the laundry - just so I don't start the next day behind.

In my Saturday struggle, I was reminded of Philippians 2:3 "Do NOTHING out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."

And hopefully, I'll remember this lesson the next time I feel like playing hooky. 

Copyright 2011

Is that Fruity???

You want to know what brings my children utter joy?

Cleaning.

Yes. I am dead serious. These Beans were BEGGING - seriously - begging me to help clean the house today....nothing brought them joy like getting to stand on the sink and Windex the mirror. Jumping Bean had the treat of dusting....a chore she sang her way through! And String Bean vacuumed their room for me!

I seriously love those little people.

And yes, I am aware that a light bulb needs to be changed....just add it to my "to do" novella.

It appears the constant discussions on the Fruit of the Spirit (Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control Galatians 5:22-23) are really sinking in. 

We've been seeking to apply the fruits in our every-day actions, interactions, and observations. (Nothing like actively applying Truth!)  From analyzing the characters in a book -such as Belle vs. The Beast; to assessing a fit of anger; to figuring out what those attributes look like - for REAL; we have been learning quite a lot.

It has really helped the attitude in the house level out. 

Mommy included.  

I am not off the hook in these discussions, unfortunately.

Just like when they snatch a toy, pitch a fit, or leave a job unfinished (not showing - love, kindness, self-control, or faithfulness) ... Mommy sins as well. When I raise my voice and yell at them - I am lacking self-control, kindness, gentleness, patience, and love. When I don't take my time to answer their questions - I am lacking patience, kindness, and faithfulness. There are plenty of examples of my failure to exhibit these qualities....so I'll just leave it there for now!  

Feel free to read...pretty much any other post, to see proof of my sinful nature!

So now the question we all ask each other is this: 

"Is that a fruity thing to do?" 

Then we giggle, recite the verses, and seek to be more of a home filled with the Spirit.

Copyright 2010

The "Club"

Motherhood.

Military Spouse.

Stay-at-home-mom.

Christ-follower.

Ahh, the "clubs" I am in. Each one is a huge blessing...and can be a horrible burden. Each one brands me. Claims me. Labels me. Truly, each one is wonderful! But there are times...

Being "mommy" does not automatically give you friends...or community. Staying home can mean days on end with only a small baby as company. Being married to the military often means your best friend must be half a world away doing their job. Being a follower of Jesus Christ can cause people to brand you with their past encounters.

In this world...these clubs I am in can tally up to quite a bit of loneliness. It takes an amazing amount of effort to make that psychological shift from career-woman to at-home-mama. It can cause resentment. Anger. Bitterness. And vast amounts of guilt. You don't get discharged from the hospital with your newborn and a ready-made set of friends.

It is unlike any other job...because your job does not automatically introduce you to people. Or have you interacting with others on a daily basis.

Motherhood can cause you to draw up into yourself...and allow your world to just become you and baby. Not good. Moving with the military can cause you to hold people at a distance..since you will be moving again anyway. It can keep you focusing on who-you-miss, instead of on who-you-can-meet. 

Motherhood....military life....Christianity....not places for people to go it alone! We all need support. We need encouragement. We need to talk with someone who has been there and survived. 

The Older woman who also had a baby with colic...and made it through.

The veteran military wife who handled moves and loneliness and figuring out the new-normal over and over again...and is glad she did.

The person who has battled their demons...and struggled...and fought...and yet has come through by the Grace of God to Praise the Creator.

These people are who I must surround myself with. Because I am not an island. I don't know it all. I need to know I am not alone in whatever situation I am facing. And I need to know that I can make it through. This is not the end of the world.

The poop explosions will one day stop; the orders will always change; the duty station can always be good; devotions will be more than 2 second prayers one day; sleep will happen again.

When that day comes - I want to look back and BE that woman that encouraged me...challenged me...helped me keep the right perspective...for someone who is like me right now. 

Because whether you want to be there or not...all of us are in a "club."

Copyright 2010