It's time for LOVE....

Last year, we tried a new tradition.

The Love Jar.

(Yeah, still working on a cooler name...still totally drawing a blank.)

Today starts day one of daily notes of how much we love each other. We will be filling our special jar between now and Valentine's day. Then, we will have a sweet breakfast of doughnuts as we talk about sweet things (loving each other) and how to be sweet.

Sounds pretty sweet to me!

~Whitney
 Copyright 2013

Sweeties day....

Well, since we are in the habit of moving holidays to suit our schedule....we partially celebrated Valentine's on Saturday.

Our whole crew of 6 loaded up in our Swagger Wagon Bean Pod and went to Krispy Kreme for donuts.

For the record - that was the girls' idea. 

I mean, I completely encouraged them and didn't let them forget that is what they wanted....but it was originally from them.

Since we wanted to do a special "Sweet" breakfast - it needed to be on the weekend so we wouldn't have to go before 6 in the morning.  :)

(Backstory...)

On February 1st I started our LOVE JAR. (I  think it needs a better name....but I'm drawing a blank.) I took one of our mason jars....wrapped a strip of pink construction paper around the middle and glued it on...added a cut-out pink heart....put L O V E  stickers on it....and tore a  bunch of strips of paper. DONE.

I'm ridiculously un-creative like that.

Then, every day, I talked with each of the girls and asked them what they loved about somebody in the family. I wrote it down...folded it up....and thus the jar was filled.

I had never done anything like this with our crew before, and I was a bit unsure of the reception it would receive.  Thankfully, they ate it up. 

So, Saturday found us at Krispy Kreme with our jar, eating donuts, and enjoying each other's company. 

We talked about being sweet - what exactly would that look like? 

Would a sweet heart be snatchy, or bossy, or mean, or selfish, or rude?  

How can you be loving and kind? (As a 2 year old? As a 4 year old? As a 6 year old? As a grown-up?) 

How does Jesus want us to love others? 

Then we read the notes out loud.  

So the whole family could know the special things we love about each other. 

And the girls ATE IT UP.  

Their smiles grew with each note. 

They said thank you after every one. 

And they gave spontaneous hugs and kisses because they felt treasured. 

Hooray for an idea actually going how I imagined! Woohoo!

So, this is from Christmas. At least I have ONE picture with our whole crew!

Happy Valentine's day.

Copyright 2012

Hoppin' on the Bandwagon....

With today being Valentines day....I wanted to not hop on the bandwagon and not say anything about Love....or My Love.  

Dating in 2003

But I couldn't help myself.


Valentines Day is extra special to us because on this exact day...in 2003....My Love and I walked by each other and lightening struck. 


I had no idea how my world would be flipped upside down and my life would be completely different because of that one moment where our eyes met. 

I know it sounds corny....but its the truth.

I met him....and that was it. 2 days after we met, we had a four-hour-long phone conversation....if you know My Love - you know that isn't normal for him.

Within two weeks I knew either he was the man for me to spend the rest of my life with....or I would be single.  I couldn't imagine anyone that could possibly be a better fit.

And eight years later....I feel the same way.

December of 2004

 I just had no idea what love entailed.....

Summer of 2008

Love is not just roses on a windshield with a love note attached.  

(Yep. He did that!)

Love is not just special picnics on a secluded mountain top. 

(That was me)

Love is not just long walks....fancy dinners...dancing in the rain....or fireworks.

Love is an act. A choice. A daily decision for selflessness.

Love is joy in the monotony.  An encouraging touch when the bottom falls out. Love is letting down your walls and your defenses and allowing someone in to those places where the deepest wounds can occur. Love is making hard decisions. Love is being another's greatest cheerleader.  Love opens you up for the greatest joys....and the greatest sorrows.  

My Love is not perfect - we are very alike in that - but he is perfect for me. 

January 2010

 This man I am blessed to share life with is exactly right for me. He is passionate and loving and opinionated and brilliant and funny and loyal and strong and adventurous and brave and tender. 

February 2010

He is the kind of man I hope our girls will find...and our son will become. 


So on this day, all I have to say....he already said in an early love note...and - even though he plagiarized - it is worth repeating:

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." Song of Solomon 6:3

Copyright 2011

Psychic Love....

Be warned: I am about to get all romantically mushy. 

Seriously. If you don't like that kind of thing....stop reading.

Although, if you are female...you probably just skipped ahead a little.

HA! Caught ya'.

Anyway.....want to know why My Love is perfect for me? (And why I love him oh-so-very-much???)

Aside from the brilliant sense of humor, sixth sense for finishing my sentences, amazing levels of understanding females, and pretty much being my knight in shining armor...

He can Read. My. Mind.

No - seriously!!  It is this amazing gift-curse he has. Poor thing.

I was contemplating his amazing abilities recently when I ran across this:

THIS was part of the birthing class (which was by birthinsight and absolutely worth every penny) we took this past August. Our FIRST birthing class. Taken for my FOURTH child. And still, worth every cent. Just sayin'. 

Anyway, the multi-colored braid was something we had to make over our class weekend. We needed to choose three colors of fabric - each symbolizing something - and braid them together. In theory, you are supposed to remember to take this with you to the hospital to help focus your thoughts and remember why, exactly, you are choosing to have a natural childbirth. 

I say "in theory" because I've done this before....chances are I'll be more concerned with other things then a braided thingy in my hospital bag. But, maybe not. I like the idea at least.

But I digress.

So I chose pink, green, and white, and just started braiding. Then I looked at My Love and said "Why do you think I picked these colors? What do they mean to me??"  Thought I had finally stumped him.

I was wrong.

"Well," he began, "I'm assuming the pink is for each of our beans - you are committed to a natural childbirth because of various complications with each of them." Already I was choking up....
"And since you are committed to breastfeeding again - and you know medications can hinder that being a success - the white is for your desire to nurse."  I leaned over and kissed him...
"Which means, the green could only stand for one thing - one thing that is very important to both of us - we hope that this baby is born healthy and strong."  And I just melted.

Seriously.  We were squatting and my legs fell asleep. 

THAT is one more reason why My Love is perfect for me - he knows what is important to me because he listens. And then he says it back to me. And he's really really strong and can lift me up off of the floor when my legs fall asleep.

And I love him even more. 

Copyright 2010

The Flip-side...

Ahhhh, phone calls from My-deployed-Love.....

They are wonderful.

They are horrible.

They remind me of everything I love about him...of every single space in my day that is empty. 

We had the treat of 3 times to Skype over the past 2 days and it was truly a treat! But it made me re-miss him anew.

I don't have any great wisdom in this area. I don't have any brilliant quotes. I just have what I've experienced...and nobody really talks about the flip-side of the phone call...but I must. The phone calls leave me happy and sad and encouraged and overwhelmed.

And I am reminded of one constant - Deployment is hard. 

It is hard on those left at home. It is hard on those away. While each of us copes, and deals, and manages - what else can we do?? - it doesn't make the daily challenge less of a challenge. I honestly struggle with the fact that I often go through a day and don't miss My Love - I haven't the energy or time! I can't be walking around falling to pieces - I have 3 little ones relying on me for stability...and one little one relying on me for everything....so I compartmentalize. "I'll think about it tomorrow." I say to myself.

I choke back the tears when String Bean prays for Daddy...or Jumping Bean wants to take her daddy blankie with her everywhere she goes....or Bitty Bean buries her face in her daddy pillow to give him kisses goodnight. 

And honestly, I'm scared. I'm scared if I were to REALLY start to cry...I wouldn't stop. And I know that would not be right.

So I will cry a few tears at a time...I will remember that God has a plan for our family  - and He will give us the strength to get through wherever He leads us - and I will remember that difficulty...challenge...pain....is not a horrible thing. 

There's always a flip-side.

Copyright 2010

No time to paint....

"Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs...it lets go...it moves on - 
Oh and time moves by too fast - to keep painting pictures of the past."
Warren Barfield: Pictures of the Past

As I've been reminiscing over the past 7 years as a wife...I've realized the importance of not keeping a record of wrongs.  The verse from 1 Cor. 13 was read at our wedding...but I had no idea the impact it would have on our marriage and relationship.

It is so very easy to get caught up in tallying what I've done vs. what he's done....and then determining who's gonna pay up. It doesn't have to be a record of horrible deep wounds - although that shouldn't happen either! - it could just be a record of careless words, thoughtless moments, laziness, forgetfulness....simple things like the dirty laundry always ending up on the floor NEXT to the hamper - never making the bed - not cleaning out the car.

A tally of how many hours of sleep we each got in the week to determine who wins the treat of waking up slowly on Saturday morning. 

It could be things that don't seem like a record...yet I want him to pay up to balance it out. 

Keeping track of whatever he's done...or not done...or should do...or could do....and then lording it over him.

Not exactly the recipe for a happy, healthy, loving, marriage - or relationship.

Yet, I find I have to constantly combat this thought process in all my relationships. Love isn't about how much they give me - it is a free gift I have given them.

I am not advocating that horrible behavior be allowed in the name of love, please don't misunderstand me. 

Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs....what an amazing concept. It beautifully illustrates what Christ did for us - and it challenges me to be a better model for my children, my family, and my friends.

To be completely honest - there have been times I had to leave my Bible open to these verses...and out on the counter or the table...and make myself go back and re-read them every time the replay of the offense came up. Some days that would mean only once...other days...other hurts...it would be countless times for weeks. Or months.

But, eventually, that record would no longer be kept. It would stop replaying in my mind. I could see the positive in that person...or situation...or whatever it was.  It wasn't easy. It wasn't fun. But it was worth every single moment of forcing myself to see the good and not just the hurt. To see the person as just one other human being Christ died for - and not as just the cause of my pain.

The constant battle against reliving past hurts...past wrongs....is very, very hard. But in the end - replaying the hurt is mainly just hurting yourself. Over and over again. And that is no cake walk either.

Time is just zipping by...better put that "past" paintbrush away...and treasure the moments I have in front of me.

Copyright 2010

Pity Party Time....

As I was (unsuccessfully) trying to fall asleep last night...I had a pity party. I try really REALLY hard to NOT have pity parties....they are lame....don't leave you feeling any better....and typically make me cry or say something I regret - or both.  However, LAST night as I lay in bed with my arms taking turns falling numb...my back aching...and my feet swelling...I could not fight the Pity Party Pull.

Sooo....I thought I'd voice what I was feeling....pretty sure I'm not the only one who has felt these things.

I must preface this with: I LOVE My Love. Very, very much. But part of this man I love is the job he does...and sometimes it just stinks. Like when he is gone. I am an extremely big fan of having him around - I can handle things without him - but I sure PREFER to have him here!

Sometimes I feel guilty because the day is so busy that when I finally collapse into bed....I realize I didn't miss him at all. I just went through my day and accomplished my tasks...and didn't have time to miss him. I love him so very much! But sometimes it is just easier to compartmentalize and keep everything I have to juggle in front of me....and not think about the huge place that is empty.

Sometimes I get tired of feeling like the 3rd wheel. Everyone has experienced this at some point...and will most likely experience it again...but the odd thing about this military life is that if your active duty spouse is on sea duty, there's a good chance many people you rely on may not even know your spouse.

Flying solo is NOT the end of the world...I am thankful for the (very small) understanding I now have for single moms and single people in general. This whole world seems manufactured for pairs...so when you are solo it just seems to constantly be in your face. Kinda like how everything is made for right-handed people. I'm left-handed. 

 These separations are horrible and wonderful. 

There is an empty seat at the table every night. 

There's no one to finish my sentences or take over the story I was telling....I only have about 10 - so we've numbered them..."I think #5 would work in this situation...but I need to go change Bitty Bean...Can you take over?" 

Everything you do in your life is used to having them in it...and suddenly they are gone. There are all these little things he does that I didn't even know...who knew the window sill above the kitchen sink got dirty???....and they just make me miss him.

In my parenting adventure - I miss him. I feel the hole from lacking his understanding, knowledge, wisdom, and perspective on each of our children. I miss him most desperately on the constant-struggle-days, because those are the days he would help me recalibrate.

I'm thankful for the military - for this lifestyle, because it helps me to be mindful of the man I married. To not lose sight of his value and importance in our home during the daily humdrum routine of laundry, parenting, dishes, bum wiping, and cooking.

He is so much more than the man who pays the bills, takes out the trash, and wrestles with the kids. He is my friend. My leader. My partner. My Love.

And the gift of every deployment is realizing that anew. 

Copyright 2010

Cocoa Bean Moments...part 2

I think Friday will be my "Cocoa Bean Moments" days....because it is always nice to focus on the sweet things in life.

Although I will be posting about yesterday VERY soon. . . it was most definitely NOT sweet.

My morning started out late...primarily because I turned off my alarm when I was still awake at 2 am. Ahh the joys of a brain that will not shut down. 

Anyway, this morning, instead of waking to a not-so-melodious-beeping and stumbling into the bathroom to shower before I can peel my eyelids up and open my eyes...I was treated to String Bean tiptoeing into my room...crawling into bed behind me...and giving me a HUGE hug. Then she gently scratched my back and said, "It must be hard growing a person. And taking care of us. I love you so much Mommy."

And suddenly, all the horrible things that had made me lose sleep...all the awful moments of parent-child struggle of the day before...all the disappointment in ANOTHER rainy day...just melted away.  All that was left was just pure sweetness of the moment. 

Like God just placed a kiss on my pillow.

Copyright 2010

My Only Love

So, you know the old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder?"  Well, I've been contemplating that lately. Deployment can bring out my pensive side....but don't worry, this post shouldn't make you cry!

What is it about being apart that makes you like each other more?  Is it that you realize all the good and marvelous things you love about that person and are able to forget the not-so-great?  Yep. I think so.

For some reason (and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this!) I can have trouble flipping the "mom" switch off, and the "wife" switch on. I'm not talking about just the what's-his-head-on-the-radio singing "Lets get it on" - I'm talking about just remembering to speak to my husband in a loving way that isn't child-related.  (I.e. - FLIRT)

Really, how hard is it to flirt with the Love of your life? Apparently for me, super hard. When My Love is home, it is so very easy for me to rely on his extra set of hands (or eyes), his energy in exhausting the beans, his willingness to help....only.

Instead of dropping whatever it is I am doing and welcoming him home after work (which Bitty Bean does with gusto!), I continue on in my task, or look at the clock wondering why he is so much later than anticipated.

There are about a million songs out there about a husband/man staying true to his wife/woman, but how many are there going the other way? How many times does the man I promised to honor, respect, and love for the rest of my life, get relegated to second (or third, or fourth) place - especially once kids came along? 

Granted, in the daily craziness of puke, poop, laundry, dishes, snot, drool, crying, whining, spills, messes, questions, questions, and pee everywhere.....it is VERY hard to forget who I once was. But once upon a time, (not THAT long ago!) I was a woman who desperately just wanted to be near the man that is now my husband.  I wanted to just know....everything....about him. He was truly my prince.  And I was his princess. He hasn't changed....neither have I....we've just forgotten who we were.

As Edna Mode says in "The Incredibles" to Elasti-girl (after she queries "What will I do?" regarding Mr. Incredible not being where he said he would be.)

"Pull-yourself-together! "What will you do?" Is this a question? You will show him you remember that he is Mr. Incredible, and you will remind him who *you* are. Well, you know where he is. Go, confront the problem. Fight! Win!" 

There is a gift in these separations...at least for us.  It is a time to pause and remember exactly what it was we initially adored about each other.  That lightening strike that we couldn't avoid.  Wouldn't want to avoid if given the choice!  So, who am I?  Well, that I am trying to remember.....


Sometimes it is exceptionally hard to "get the flirt on" when he walks through the door 30 minutes late,  and 3 children are crying, the pot of water is boiling over, the laundry needs to be changed, my hair is all crazy, I haven't showered yet...or even brushed my teeth, and the last time I slept through the night was about 5 years ago.

But if I can flirt with him half a world away....shouldn't I be able to do it when he is sitting next to me on the couch???  Well, when he gets home again - I am gonna try!

(At least I have a couple of months to remember how to flirt....Doesn't it have something to do with batting your eyes, or doing something with your hips? Maybe it is a hair-flip thing. Or the "Bend and Snap" from Legally Blonde. Oh, I don't know...maybe I can't remember how because I'm so bad at it! )

Copyright 2010