Commissary Fun

The strong-willed child....also known as - every-child-I-have-birthed.

Well, Boy Bean hasn't show-cased his strong will yet; but since I know his parents quite well, I am certain he will not be compliant.

Anyway.

Today we had the treat of the "light commissary day" - we alternate between "big" and "light" days at the commissary. On "big commissary day" we have to drive *GASP* and creatively load the cart to full capacity. Soon - Very VERY soon - we will be a 2 cart family. Crazy.

Anyway.

"Light Commissary Day" means we walk to the store.  I push Boy Bean in the double stroller and load up the other side until I need more room.  Then, out comes the Snugli baby carrier!  Boy hops in, the three girls follow the train, and I push the double with all our groceries. I LOVE living so close to the store!!

So, that is what we were up to today.  Normally it is a fun trip and the children are all fabulous.

Really, they are normally great!  

They love to go to the commissary and get their cookie and help me treasure hunt for the items on our list.  If they are good - they get to pick which shape of pretzel we bring home.  

I indulge them, I know. ;)

Unfortunately, today wasn't a completely normal day.

As in - it was great! Fabulous! Wonderful! 

No awkward-random-stranger encounters, only nice faces for me and my tribe, happy attitudes from all Beans, no whining, quick obedience, and listening ears were tuned to Mommy.

It was beautiful.

And then the wind changed. In a moment.  
The moment I picked up the LAST item on our list. 

And suddenly I'm stuck in the clearance corner with a loaded double stroller, a happy boy kicking his toes at my thighs, a singing-skipping-Jumping -Bean, an obedient-String-Bean-retying-her-shoe, and a Bitty Bean emitting shrill-ear-piercing-cries-as-she-kicks-and-screams-on-the-floor.

Oh how I wanted to crawl into a corner and have someone else claim the screaming-spawn as their own.

Why, oh why, was my sweet little 2 year old deciding to scream so hard I saw blood vessels pop on her face? Because she wanted me to hold her.
And I couldn't.

I tried to get her to calm down....although the older woman who suddenly joined me in the clearance corner did not think so. I heard enough "my, my" and tongue-clicking and teeth-sucking to be plenty aware that she thought I was handling it wrong. 

By the way - teeth sucking? Most annoying sound ever. Drives me crazy. And I am the mother of four young children - I am FLUENT in annoying sounds.

Oh well.

These moments are really moments I hate. The moments where you have to stick to your guns and be consistent no matter how embarrassed you are, or you will PAY later.

So, I picked up the screaming-writhing-ball-of-anger and carried her sideways under my arm....the length of the commissary.... so we could have our standoff in the bathroom.  Bitty Bean was trying to kick me (hence the side carry - much weaker kicks!), Boy Bean was giggling from the bouncy speed walk, I was pushing the loaded double-stroller with one hand, Jumping Bean was skipping behind me, and String Bean was covering her head in shame taking up the rear.

Unfortunately, the handicap stall was occupied.  Which meant the two eldest Beans followed protocol - they stood outside the small stall and sang quietly - so I know exactly where they are! - while Bitty Bean, Boy Bean, and I, had a pow-wow.

5 minutes later - all was solved.

So I thought.

We collected the stroller....unloaded all items....paid....re-loaded the stroller....and Bitty Bean decided to try round 2 of The-melt-down-of-the-century.

Moments like that I always have to say to myself - out loud - "I am more stubborn than you can dream of being." Somehow it helps me win the standoff.

We parked our paid-for groceries outside the bathroom and - HALLELUJAH! - the handicap stall was open!!!!

In we all piled.

For 45 minutes. FORTY-FIVE MINUTES. 45 minutes!!!!!


Bitty Bean would not stop crying, screaming, and pitching a fit. All she wanted was for me to carry her. I know that is not a horrible request. But it was an UNREASONABLE request. There was no way that I could carry her home and push the groceries.

So for 45 minutes we parked in the bathroom at the commissary. With timed intervals of discipline occurring. 

I am sure I sounded crazy - because at one point Bitty Bean was screaming in Boy Bean's ear while laying her head on my shoulder and Boy Bean's cries entered the ruckus and Jumping Bean smacked her hand on the toilet and joined the cacophony of sobs and String Bean was singing an operatic rendition of "You are my Sunshine" and I started laughing maniacally.

I mean, really, what else could I do???

Bitty Bean finally caved. She found her happy attitude and decided obedience was a good decision.

We all streamed out of the stall and realized both of the other stalls were full and there was a line out the door  waiting for the toilet.

Oh well. Public embarrassment is just a part of parenthood. Right? Right?!  

Don't worry Bitty Bean.  I'll have my turn when you are about 15. I'm plotting my revenge already.....

Copyright 2011

Mommy's Law.....

I originally posted about Mommy's Law a bit ago....but recently another one was brought to my attention.

#4 If you say you have never....then you probably will the next day.
Unfortunately, I forgot this rule and was speaking with a friend regarding my total-awesomeness...

NOT. I'm totally gonna bring that phrase back...it is often applicable

...and mentioned I had NEVER locked my keys in the car.  Well, at least since I've had children.

Jumping Bean locked the keys in the car....while inside....but I don't think that counts.

Since God really likes to showcase his sense of humor in my life.....the following story had to occur....the very day AFTER the above "I have never" statement.

I had a doctor's appointment that I thought was at 1:45. I had planned and prepped and scheduled to the nth degree to get Bitty Bean and Boy Bean their naps, Jumping Bean and Bitty Bean their lunch, and pick up String Bean from school.

Unfortunately, I had misread my calendar....about 45 times.  I've got skills.

At noon I looked at my calendar for the 46th time and realized the appointment was at ONE O'CLOCK. That is a HUGE difference.  So after a tornado in the house of getting everyone in the car and lunches thrown in bags....we picked up String Bean from school and drove to the office.

Not gonna lie, I ignored a few "speed suggestion" signs. Thankfully, no one was harmed.

Anyway.

We got out of the car....loaded 2 sleeping Beans in the double stroller....and locked the car.

Not until I was inside...waiting for my blood pressure to be checked...did I realize I was missing the diaper bag. AND my keys. And my cell phone. And my wallet.

So I started laughing. Hysterically.

Like only a crazy-woman-who-has-not-slept-in-5-years-because-she-had-4-children-in-5-years can laugh.

It was not pretty.

At that precise moment - they were ready to read my blood pressure.  And it was so LOW - they had to do a second reading!

I couldn't call My Love - he was flying, and the only other phone number I have memorized is my parent's. And they live 8 hours away. Not very helpful.

Thankfully, a wonderful nurse looked up the phone number for my car insurance (they have roadside assistance....I LOVE USAA!!!) and allowed me to use her cell phone.  So it all ended well.

Boy Bean and Bitty Bean had to sit in their own poop for a bit....but that is not the end of the world, right?

Anyway.

I've decided my next "I have never" comment should be "I have never had a day where I didn't repeat myself." I'll let you know how that goes.

Copyright 2011

Whaaaaat did I just say????

Things I never thought I would say.....but have. Over and over again.


1.  Stop crying - or I'll give you something to cry about. 
2.  If you don't stop your whining I will just TURN THIS CAR AROUND.
3.  If you want to engage in a battle of wills - I WILL win. I am exponentially more stubborn than you.
4. We keep our dresses DOWN.  SERIOUSLY! Stop putting the hem over your head!!!
5.  No!  You don't put your hand up Mommy's dress! Or Skirt! Or Shirt! 
6.  (Always immediately after #5)  AND NEVER pull Mommy's Panties down!!!! (Lena - I will be using this story at your wedding....rest assured.)
7.  Don't eat food out of the TRASH CAN!
8.  You can't just kiss strangers....even IF you just found out their name....they are STILL a stranger.
9.  Whatever it is...the answer is NO.
10.  Stop messing with each other and just sit there and play with yourself. (Okay - so that one I've only said once....but it was pretty funny!)


Do you have any phrases you would like to contribute?
Copyright 2010

Pay back will be sweet!

I've determined that there is no need for me to ever become "cool," "hip," "modern," or "stylish."  Maybe after my children are finished being easily-humiliated-teenagers....but definitely not before.  They have made me bury my red face in my hands too many times to deserve an easy pass later in life.  These children have an uncanny ability for public embarrassment...of their mother.  Don't believe me??

Case #1

Jumping Bean, aka Lena Marie: This particular offspring is in process of potty training (success for 1 week!!!) and is INORDINATELY proud of wearing her big girl panties. Potty training girls is much easier in a dress...sooo she is constantly lifting her dress over her head and wiggling her bum to show off her panties!  Not such a bad thing at home.  But at church??? In front of a large group of older men??? Seriously - who is responsible for this behavior?!

Case #2

Jumping Bean, aka Lena Marie:  The other day I was sitting on the floor and Lena sauntered right up to me, cocked her bum into my face, smacked it, (yes, SMACKED it!) and said, "Check this out" with a know-it-all slant to her head.
I said, "Check what out?"
Lena, exasperated, "Mommy! My Bum! Check it out."
I was trying - in vain - to stifle laughter, "Okay Beana, duly noted."
Lena, "It is a BE-A-U-TIFUL bum. God made it beautiful."
Where do these things come from?!

Case #3

String Bean, aka Canaan Lee: This one has taken to asking the most difficult questions lately....(fun ones like....."Mommy, how did the new baby get in your belly?"  I answered, "God was gracious and put baby there." Bullet dodged.)
 Or yesterday she asked "Do people know when they will die"
"No, Canaan, no one knows when they will die"
"Well, then what is everyone waiting for?  Everybody needs to ask Jesus into their heart right away!"
And then today she asked her vocabulary-loving-scientifically-challenged-mother, "Mommy, how does your brain tell your mouth what to say?" (Seriously!)
I gave the most basic explanation I could....and promised to ask one of the more knowledgable people at church to explain it to her. We asked. They answered - beautifully. Perfectly.  Another bullet dodged.

Case #4

String Bean, aka Canaan Lee:  Last night we were at a friends house for a cookout and they have horses.  Well, my girls are not well-acquainted with how to behave around a horse....and they chased a cat THROUGH the horse corral! Yes. That's right. My 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 year old ran into a horse's corral chasing a cat practically under the horse's nose!  When I was able to steady my voice enough to explain why we don't do...anything they did....I said "Horses are big. If they get scared they could run over you or kick you. They are so big they could kill you!"  (They needed a healthy dose of fear.)
Canaan looked at me with widest, most innocent eyes and said, "Oh! That would be wonderful!  Then we could meet Jesus!"
Obviously, her understanding of Biblical things is maturing...her grasp of why Mommy is visibly aging, however, is nonexistent.

Thankfully, Taylor doesn't talk yet...but once it starts.....

Copyright 2010