Chore time!

Confession: I am not super woman.

Now, if you know me, this should not be surprising. If you don't know me - you should also not be surprised. I cannot do it all.  I melt sometimes. I cry often. I like a clean house but it often explodes upon itself...

Clothes magically fly from their bins and disperse around the room. Toys are ejected from their buckets and strewn on the floor. Dishes are constantly dirty. Goobers are always tracked in. Coats are never hung.  

I know I have 4 young children, but this mess was going to cause a mental breakdown (which would not be hard since I'm borderline crazy already). 

In short, I either needed to 

1. hire a maid 

2. get rid of EVERYTHING in our home 

3. teach my children about being a part of this family. 

I picked number 3.

I've had my people make their beds (as well as they are able) since they could pick up their blankie. They know where all the toys go. They know it is a "pull one toy out/put one toy back" kind of house. 

Which is not as neat as it sounds...because I have 4 children. It can get dicey at times. 
Although they do work it out eventually. 
I think they can safely put "mediator" on all of their resumes one day. 

We have had chore charts in the past...but, honestly, I lacked the self-discipline to keep up with it. Training children is often just as much about training mommy. 

So far, this has been a fabulous routine for us. 

Today is our second day.

But - I'm happy. The house is being tended. The Big girls are happy. And the little two are DYING for me to get to their chores!

I'd say that is an overall win. 

Here is the nitty-gritty....

1. I get stressed out VERY easily when trying to teach a child to do something that I could do in 30 seconds....and 30 minutes later it is finally accomplished...poorly. 

2. I get even MORE annoyed if I'm trying to teach more than one at the same time. (And yes, a post on how home schooling went down "for real" should probably be written.)

SO...I changed how I introduced the charts. In the past, I've gone nuclear and introduced a chart/system to all children at the same time with all of their chores on it and spent an entire day educating them on how to do everything. 

Not very effective. 

Yesterday morning, I showed Jumping Bean (5 1/2) her chart. Just her. String Bean was already at school and Bitty Bean and Boy Bean were watching a show. We went over every item together. Most of the things she already is supposed to do - and has been taught - but struggles to remember. Those are:

Make bed

Put away clothes (jams, dirty clothes, clean laundry)

Brush teeth

Pick up toys (in room and one other room throughout the day)

Homework

AWANA (study verses every day)

The new chore yesterday?

Take out the bathroom trash. Every morning. 

I went over the procedure and had her do it yesterday. Today she did it perfectly. :)

So this morning, we added in:

Bathroom Sink - she is responsible for their bathroom sink and trash. Once she masters that, we will add other things I know she can handle. But right now, I want her to  

- get into the routine of doing her chores

- find success in accomplishing her jobs well

- pay attention to her specific areas and know what they are to look like clean. 

Jumping Bean LOVES it. LOVES the stickers. Loves being in charge.
Loves knowing how to do something and no one else can touch her job. :)

Last night, it was String Bean's turn. She is 7 1/2 and can handle more. (Jumping Bean will get more eventually - but I am not going to overwhelm her at the moment) So, she has a similar "normal chore" list:

Make bed

Put away clothes

Brush teeth (why is that so hard to remember???)

Pick up toys

Homework

AWANA

New Chores explained last night?

Downstairs bathroom (Lysol wipe the toilet, spray the bowl with cleaner, clean bowl with toilet brush. Wipe down the sink - at the moment just a wipe, eventually it will be with cleaner. Check the toilet paper levels - reload if necessary. Make sure the towel is clean and tidy.)

Dishwasher (Unload clean dishes before school - as much as time allows. Load dishwasher with the dishes from one meal of the day)

Bring kid laundry basket downstairs every morning

String Bean LOVES it. Everything about it. The responsibility. The helping. The stickers. And also loves knowing how to do something in the house and nobody else can do it. :)   In fact, as soon as String Bean walked in the door after school she said, "I've gotta check my toilet! Want to keep it clean!"

Tomorrow, I will work with Bitty Bean on her chart, it will include the same normal chores (minus homework) and cleaning the mirror in their bathroom. 

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with Boy Bean...he WILL have a chart - I'm just not sure yet what it will consist of.

Courtesy of My Love leaving, I really NEED the kids to pitch in - I can't float being both parents and keeping up the house. And the kids know that. I'm thankful they want to help - and I feel bad that I've not drawn them in to aid with the house more often. It is normally me prodding and harassing and begging them to clean - but with it clearly explained and written out, that seems to be much less of an issue. 

They do not get paid for the chores on the chore chart. 

They are a part of this family, and need to participate in our upkeep. I know there are many people who do pay for chores - and I have no issue with that. But we don't.

In the next week (or so) I will make a list of EXTRA chores - and the amount they will earn for doing them. Those will be things that can be done ONLY if your regular chores are completed, and will be kept in a separate place. (Guess I'll have to write about that later, huh?)  

Oh - one final thing: Chores are to be done both QUICKLY and HAPPILY. If I have to hound you - or you stomp about and do it with a nasty attitude - there will be no reward. No sticker. No money. 

Hopefully, I'll be able to keep up with this - because I am a million times happier when I'm not doing it all!  

Isn't that why you have kids anyway? 

To make yourself happy?  ha!

~Whitney Copyright 2013

A milestone...

Last week, I wrote a post to My Little Dude on his 2nd birthday. This birthday was kinda a big deal. A big deal that wasn't fully registered until Sunday. (And then it really wasn't processed until yesterday)

Turning 2 meant my Boy Bean adventured out of the baby nursery...and on to the toddler side. He is now in an actual Sunday School class. He's with big kids. He is in the same class as Bitty Bean. And he LOVED it. (So I gather, he still isn't saying much)

But it was oddly challenging for me. This is why: Sunday was the first day in 7 and a half years that I didn't put a baby in the baby nursery. You would think it wouldn't be challenging - and it wasn't.  But it was. It is like every single phase - full of hope and excitement and nervousness for what will come; tinged with sadness knowing certain things will never happen again with my sweet beans.

I know the day is coming - speeding towards me - where my little beans won't be little. When they will no longer need to be tucked in at night. When their soft, little hands won't seek mine when they are nervous, or frightened, or scared. The diaper bag is being replaced with the backpack, the ballet bag, and sports gear.

In fact, this Sunday was full of another milestone - our String Bean had her ears pierced. She's growing up too. She's no longer that little baby girl I knew.

And I'm happy. I'm thankful for the gift of watching my little people grow up. I ache for those who don't have any more moments to hope for in this life.

And I'm sad. Because these next moments will disappear as fast as the last ones...maybe faster. I will turn around one day, and these sweet little ones that fill all my moments and need me and want me...they will no longer be little. They will be off on their own adventures and I'll be left with them filling my heart and not my home. They will be capable to handle their needs and, hopefully, some of their wants.

How do they grow so fast?

I'm also sad because I know there will be numerous milestones reached over the next year  - and My Love will miss them. When he returns from his deployment, most likely, every child will be in a new phase. And we won't get those seconds back.

Parenthood, such a perfect pairing of happy and sad. 

Of overflowing, heartbreaking, LOVE.

~Whitney
 Copyright 2013

Rock Star

So, you know those parenting moments where you are like "YEAH! I am TOTALLY AWESOME!!!"

You know the kind where the children are angelic and the entire evolution turns out BETTER than you imagined?

Well, tonight was not that night.

(Last night was though!)

Backstory...

For the first time in the history of me being a mother...we are doing an Advent calendar. I grew up with an Advent calendar full of chocolate and remember LOVING it. So, I thought I'd do something similar for my beans...but with a twist.

Twist 1 - candy only happens on, like, 3 days.
Twist 2 - there are activities, service to others, special memory making moments, and a couple gifts, scattered throughout the 24 days.

To put tonight in perspective, you need to know that Saturday (day 1) was a home run. I mean the kids LOVED opening the box full of envelopes and seeing what the day would hold.

"Write a letter/draw a picture for someone you love who DOESN'T live in our house"

They raced to the box of paper and crayons and sat down to create...Bitty Bean chose her Sunday School teachers, Jumping Bean choose her kindergarten teacher, String Bean chose her 2nd grade teacher, and Boy Bean picked his Papa. (For real - he pointed at his picture and said "yes yes"!)

all in jams heading to the lights!

Sunday (day 2) found us putting jams on and loading in our swagger wagon to hit up some Christmas lights. Norfolk's Botanical Garden does an AMAZING job and the children LOVED it. Squeals of delight, echoes of "WOW", "look at that!", and "it is sooo beautiful!"filled the car for 45 minutes. Total and complete WIN.

So today (day 3), when they raced to the box with eager anticipation, I was pretty sure tonight would be another WIN.

"Have marshmallows and hot chocolate for dessert after a cheese fondue dinner."

I mean, c'mon. How fun is it to dip food in cheese? Broccoli, wienies, bread, cauliflower...all things they love...being dipped in their favorite melty cheese!

Well, apparently, the texture was "totally weird." (String Bean)
And the taste was "gross and sour" (Jumping Bean)
And the consistency was "icky icky sticky!" (Bitty Bean)

Boy Bean is currently my favorite because he ate it (begrudgingly), but since he doesn't speak, I don't really know how he felt.

Bitty Bean and Boy Bean actually didn't eat lunch....they weren't hungry. So I felt terrible making them go without dinner too! I offered to make them a PB&J. Which they each consumed 1/4 of.

Poor Jumping Bean and String Bean had hearty lunches - and the volume with which they protested our special dinner did not earn them points.  No alternate food option for them.

Onward I persevered, thinking surely hot/warm chocolate and marshmallows will gain favor with these ridiculous food critics!

Nope.

Too hot.
Too cold.
Lumpy.
Messy.
Sticky.
Even the Boy stuck his tongue out at the marshmallows!

Oh well. You win some and you lose some!

Guess we won't have any birthday dinners at the Melting Pot. :)


~Whitney Copyright 2012

Cocoa Bean moment....

I know it has been a while since I posted one of these...but it is not for a lack of sweetness in my days. :)  It is from a lack of memory.

But not this one.

This one, I'm gonna remember.

Somehow, fishing came up in our conversation today.  I have no idea how. Neither of the adults in this household fish, nor have the children fished. (Well, the two older ones did, one time, two years ago.)

For some reason, these girls of mine - who are actually fairly girly-girl. I mean, being made to wear pants instead of a skirt can melt any of them to instant tears. - these girls, think fishing sounds like a blast.

I assumed they had no idea what they were talking about. (I apologize to any fishing enthusiasts)
So I asked, "Jumping Bean, what do you do when you fish?"

"You sit. You wait. You are quiet. You might whistle. You have a pole and a worm...and a hat."

So far, she was pretty dead on. That confused me, because this 5 year old tornado of energy isn't exactly known for her ability to sit, wait, or be quiet.

In fact, she is known for quite the opposite. She is often found running as fast as she can for no reason. Even sitting down, something is always moving.  She can project her scream to levels that should reach jet-decibel range.

So I asked a reasonable question:

"Jumping Bean, why do you think you would be a good fisher woman?"

Then my gloriously loud energizer bunny explained herself:

"Because, I'd be calm and quiet. That's why. I'm good at that."

And that, my friends, is a sweet, sweet moment.

~Whitney
 Copyright 2012

10 days...

10 days.

ONLY 10 days.

That is how long My Love has been gone so far. (He won't be home for a couple more weeks) In the grand scheme of life, it really isn't very long. With deployments lasting months on end - 10 days is not a big deal.

At all.

But.

Sometimes, I need to step back and think about what goes on during our times apart. What crazy/normal life looks like. What I don't think of as a big deal.

Like, say, explosive poop.

I apologize in advance if you have a sensitive constitution. 

Please skip this entire post.

I also apologize to Jumping Bean. 

Profusely.

But it isn't stopping me from sharing.  :)

As we left My Love on the pier last week, the Beans and I sat in the car and let it sink in.
This is the year. It's our turn.
Our turn to say the goodbyes and experience the separations and learn how to do life without our favorite man around.
It is our turn for those things....because our friends will soon be saying "Welcome Home."
They will finally get to re-learn how to do life with all parts of the family present.
They will not have an empty place at birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, school programs, and church events over this next year - because they did it this year.
Since we see those goodbyes and families missing each other - the beans know what they are about to do. The car was a bit sad, String Bean was crying, and everyone was quiet.

But not for long.

Within 2 minutes of leaving My Love, Jumping Bean yells out from the back of the Swagger Wagon
"I NEED to POOP!"
Being the understanding Mommy I am, I said,
"Hold it. We just took you to the head at the boat. You can wait the 15 minutes till we get home."
Insert groans and painful squeaks from the back.
"NO MOMMY!!! I CAN'T!"
String Bean, always happy to help, inserted,
"Are you sure it is poop? I mean, I think it is easier to hold poop in and not so easy for pee."

At this point, I'm acting very mature, and snorting my laughter.  

Jumping Bean, writhing in pain, says,
"Oh. It is for SURE poop. It is gonna come out! It hurts so bad!"
Bitty Bean (always curious) queries in her-oh-so-extremely-cute-voice,
"Is it diarrhea? That doesn't feel good."

Suddenly, the screeching and squeals in the back stop. And Jumping Bean asks a loaded question:
"What does diarrhea feel like?"

In the interest of maintaining some sense of decorum on this blog - although I'm pretty sure that has never been present - I will save you the in-depth, highly descriptive answers that String Bean, Bitty Bean, and yes, even I, gave. Just trust they were very informative. I doubt Webster's does a more thorough job.  

The description left me crying from laughter. And it made me realize I should probably stop at friends house to allow Jumping Bean to use their toilet.

Wise, wise, decision.

So now, I can honestly say, moments after my husband left - the poop, (very narrowly missed) the van. 

Thank you for chuckling.

So much more has happened over the last 10 days....but I'm afraid it will just have to wait. :)

~Whitney
 Copyright 2012

Cocoa Bean Moment...

Tonight was the drop off.

Time to drop off My Love again; to pack his bags; to say goodbye; to start an emotional roller coaster with the Beans.

As we waved and hollered goodbye out the car window, Bitty Bean added (at the top of her lungs)

"AND I JUST TOOTED!!!!!!!!!"

 A bitter moment, made sweet.

Then, as we were heading home, I asked the Beans if they wanted to talk to Jesus about what they were feeling and thinking.

Jumping Bean immediately started praying:

"Dear Jesus,

Thank you for my Daddy. 

Please keep him safe with you. 

Please keep us safe without him. 

We love him a lot because he is really pretty much the bestest ever....well, except Mommy. 

She's pretty awesome. 

I guess, thank you for her too. 

Help us to be brave girls without Daddy. 

Help us to love people, and help Boy to speak. 

Amen."

Side note: I did not tell her to say any of those things. Regarding Boy Bean's need for speech - at the moment he sorta says 7 words. His frustration level reaches epic proportions at the speed of light. The entire house would just be EVERSOMUCH happier, if he would just learn the word "yes."

That is our goal for the month of October.

Then Bitty Bean wanted to pray:

"Jesus,

Thank you for today. 

For today with Daddy. 

Thank you for Daddy and wrestling and hugging and playing with me. 

Thank you for my sisters learning things in school. 

Thank you for stories with Mommy. 

Thank you for Boy not hit me today. 

Thank you for potty at Daddy's work. 

Amen."

Side note: Bitty Bean had a NEED for a bathroom. That was quite a true bit of gratitude.
The comment about Boy not hitting her? Well, he has compensated for his lack of verbal skills by his aim with a matchbox car, baseball bat, ball, or any small object that can be lodged at a sister. Again, the entire house would just be EVERSOMUCH happier, if he would just learn the word "yes."
(String Bean asked to not participate.)

By both their prayers I was challenged.
They thanked God for what they were given.
Would they rather Daddy stay home? Yes!
(That was clearly articulated en route to drop off.)
Were they sad? Yes.
But they were still thankful.

Because we have been given much. 

~Whitney Copyright 2012

Jumping Bean

My exuberant Jumping Bean,

5 years ago, this world became more fun.

Your birth announcement picture

It was a Tuesday. And after 2 (or was it 3?) false alarms, your ding-dong Mommy finally started having real contractions.  I am still thankful for those false alarms, because the 2nd one seemed like the real deal enough to get Grandma to come down to get in on the action.

Grandma and String Bean enjoying brand-new-you

September 25th in Pensacola, Florida.
It was officially fall...but Florida doesn't acknowledge that season until November sometime (maybe). After a fitful night's sleep, I decided to finish out thank-you notes while hoping the annoying cramping would turn into something productive.

Our family of 4!

Once I finished the notes...my belly started visibly contracting. Grandma was keeping a close eye on me (and you!) and we had decided to not do anything - to completely ignore them - until we couldn't anymore.

First time at the beach - 4 days old

Daddy had gone to get a quick work-out in, and then we were all going to have a picnic at the beach.

He changed his plans.
You changed my plans.

Daddy decided to play racquetball for an hour and a half.
Without his cellphone.
Where none of his friends had THEIR cellphones.
Where he couldn't hear the gym paging him.

Look who can stand - and walk - at 1!

Contractions were definitely getting stronger - past the "uncomfortable" stage - and on a consistent pattern. OHMYGOSH. This is the real deal.

Our kind neighbor came over to watch String Bean, Grandma loaded me into the car, and we were about to head to the hospital without Daddy.
Some would say I was mildly annoyed at Daddy.
A more accurate description would be stark raving mad.

You were a purple-fairy-princess for Halloween when you were 2

As we started to pull out of the apartment parking lot, Daddy pulled up with his friend. Quickly he assessed what was going on, and he said, "Hang on. I need to shower."

That didn't really calm me down.

A little over 2 years old

Grandma was a neutral party who did a very good job calming the crazy woman 

and enlightening the late-arriving Daddy.

We arrived at the hospital at 12:30, and my water broke at 2:30.

Around 4:00, things started to get fun. That was when my body kicked in high gear and said it was almost time to evict you. :)


At 5:15 I thought I needed to push, but I wasn't completely ready. 
NOT pushing, when even your toenails are screaming PUSH!!!!!!!!, is rather challenging.  
At 5:25, they cleared me to push, and 3 pushes later, at 5:29, you screamed to wake the dead.

2 and half...full of personality

Seriously.

Hospital staff were coming in to see you because they had never heard a newborn scream so loudly. 

I wish I could say my first words to you were sweet and loving.
But they weren't.
When they held you up and showed me your 8lb 8oz self, I just said:

"Holy crap. She's HUGE!!"

2 and a half - posing in your own way

Then I cried. The ugly cry. You were so beautiful and so strong and so healthy. And so stinkin' LOUD. I loved finally getting to touch the strong legs that had bruised my abdominal cavity; to touch the elbows that loved hanging out in my ribs.

Grandma cut the cord.
Daddy hugged you.

We all fell in love with you.

Our sweet Jumping Bean, I'm so very thankful that I get to be your Mama. My life is brighter, better, and bouncier, because of you. I'm so glad you're my girl; and I'm even more glad you're God's girl.

5 years old!

Happy 5th birthday.

Love,

Your Mama

~Whitney
 Copyright 2012

Time....

Well, it's that time again.

Time to write all schedules in pencil.

Time to plan on My Love not being around.

Time to be thankful for the seconds spent together, because over the next year - that is what our time will as a family of 6 will feel like.

Seconds. Moments. Brief ones.
My Love is almost done with a 6 week school - 5 weeks down.

Which really isn't that long in the grand scheme of things - except when I realize how few weeks he'll be home over the next year (or so). As a grown up, I have a better grasp on the time - I can see the end, even when it feels (or is) extremely far away.

My Beans don't have that perspective.

So today - this morning, my Jumping Bean missed Daddy.

Deeply.

She was happily obeying and making her bed to finish her "start the day" chores...when I complimented her:

"Good job big girl! You are working so hard and doing such an excellent job!"

She responded with a smile,
"Yep, I'm like Daddy. 
I work hard and do my best. 
Just like him."

Then she sat on the bed and said,
"I wish he was home. It is just so much better with him here. I miss him."
My sweet Jumping Bean then climbed in my lap, wrapped her arms around my neck, and sobbed.

She sobbed because she misses her Daddy. 

The one who wrestles, 

who snuggles, 

who hugs, 

who comforts, 

who challenges, 

who adventures with, 

who laughs with, 

who corrects, 

and who teaches her like no one else. 

As my shoulder was soaked and my heart broke, she choked out,

 "I just like him home better."

And this Mama cried right along. 

Because I do too.

I have the perspective - I see what's coming.  And I know it will be a hard year for all of us. It will not be the end of the world. It is not the worst thing ever - but at times, it will feel like it.

So over these next few months, I intend to treasure each second we have together. Hopefully, it will get me in the habit of doing that with all the people I love.

Because you rarely know what the next moment holds.


~Whitney
 Copyright 2012

Cocoa Bean Moment.....

Well. It happened.

I knew this day would come, so I was ready.

Ready to laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and finish with a photo shoot.

My Jumping Bean - my ball of constant movement - my girl who hates stuff that gets in her way...

found scissors.

She came downstairs one Sunday morning...interestingly, the very morning AFTER my first attempt at cutting Boy Bean's hair....and said she had a magic trick.

"Look Mom! I can make my BANGS DISAPPEAR!"

 When I looked at her, I saw her hands clasped in anticipation of my joy, her hopeful and excited eyes, and her cherubic face...perfectly framed by Dumb and Dumber bangs.

 After I pulled myself off the floor and dried my laughing eyes, I asked her one word: "WHY?"

"Because they got in my way," my logical girl replied.

It didn't matter that we ended up being 20 minutes late for church - or that there were beautiful blond waves (In process of being GROWN OUT!!) on the bathroom floor - because that moment was sweet.

~Whitney Copyright 2012

Moments....

You know those moments that make you stop - hold your breathe - freeze the image in your mind?
Those moments that allow you to see - really, truly, see - the person in front of you?

We all went and celebrated Bitty Bean's 3rd birthday (2 weeks early) while My Love was still home. That time spent eating Chinese (her request) and enjoying the doughnut shop (her request about a billion times)  as a family...was chock full of moments I wanted to freeze.

Often, I find myself too busy, too pre-occupied, too tired, or too distracted, for those moments to occur.

Especially when the person I'm supposed to be seeing...is one of my little Beans.  

Somehow, these people, these four little treasures that I get to be with almost 100% of the time - they can go unnoticed. Unknown. Ignored.  This was brought to my attention recently, by my String Bean. She said, "Mommy, I wish you'd spend more time with us."


My first reaction was shock - I'm with you 'round the clock! What do you mean "MORE" time!?  Instead of saying those words, I just asked her, "What kind of time?"

And my little-6-year-old-philosopher said, "Time where we can just be. Together."

Maybe I'm the only person who has experienced the loss of vision towards those they love the most.  I'm moving so fast to take care of the next thing, go to the next event, clean the next mess, or just find a moment of quiet....that I forget the real next thing to take care of, is a person.

The next event could be the discovery of a leaf - or a loose tooth - or skipping - or listening to a song. The next mess might not be broken items, it might just be a hurting heart or bruised feelings caused by a careless word.
Sometimes, in the cacophony that is my home, I need to step back and treasure the ruckus instead of resenting the absence of quiet.

Now that school is out and My Love is gone...

(Because during the school year I was too tired, and there are all sorts of whacked out emotions going on when Daddy is away)

...we have reinstated some rituals that help me to see my children - things that also help them see each other as well. One thing they think is wonderful is where we take turns saying something about each other that we just utterly LOVE.  Those things that if that person didn't do - our day would not sparkle quite as much.  Here are the highlights of the week....

We decided that if Bitty Bean didn't talk about poop so much...we wouldn't laugh nearly enough. If we didn't hear her singing...or her spontaneous "I love you"...or her constant requests for brownies and/or chocolate...the day would be not quite right.

We discovered that even though Boy Bean attacks unsuspecting people at random - with fiendish delight - we all know that when he jumps on our heads, he is just saying "I love you."  There is no sound so fantastic as his belly laugh. We love watching him eat and savor and experience each bite.

We love that Jumping Bean wakes up so silly...because her smiles and giggles and hugs just start the day out right. We love how fiercely she hugs and kisses. Her little sister loves how Jumping Bean takes care of her...and her big sister loves how Jumping Bean is such a good friend. I love her zest and passion for life.

We all agreed String Bean's hugs are marvelous. The sisters also talked about how great String Bean is at helping them not be scared or nervous. They love her silly faces and crazy jokes. I love how she takes initiative and has a tender heart.

What a treat to sit down and learn about the things that are important to my children. Especially when they decided to say the things they love about me. They love hugs. Silly dances during breakfast. Playing in the pool. Reading together. When I wipe their bum. (Seriously. That was from Bitty Bean.)

I was reminded that while I may not always freeze the moments - there are always more to be made.

~Whitney
 Copyright 2012