Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Cocoa Bean Moment....

Although it has been a WHILE since I posted one of has not been due to lack of material!

It has primarily been due to lack of sleep, time, and free hands.

But a moment happened yesterday that I just HAD to make time to document.  (Lucky you!)

Bit of a backstory usual.

I've been trying desperately to instill in my girls where beauty actually lies. 
You can look in the mirror and see "pretty," but that doesn't make you beautiful. 
Beauty is who you are, not what you look like. 
You are beautiful if you are kind, unselfish, loving, peaceful, obedient, compassionate, giving, trustworthy....well, you get the idea. 
Basically, if you are fruity - you are beautiful!

I've been hoping this is sinking in....
especially since these girls are a lot like their mother parents, and mildly narcissistic.

Back to yesterday - Bitty Bean had a toy that Jumping Bean REALLY, REALLY, wanted.
Bitty Bean voluntarily gave up the toy and was happy to share it with her Sissy.
As soon as the hand off was made, Jumping Bean said,
"Oh Sister!  You are sooo BEA-U-TI-FUL because you shared!"

As I basked in the moment of a lesson sinking in, String Bean (who had been observing the exchange) decided to comment on the episode:
"Well, you would have been MORE beautiful...if you had given it to me."

And I laughed. Really, really, hard.

So the lessons are still in progress.......but the moment was still sweet.


Copyright 2011

Friday, December 16, 2011

It's time....

So, I knew this day was coming.

Every beginning has an end.

But, even though I was eagerly anticipating the end....I was also anxiously awaiting the final moment.

That moment when your life changes forever is sometimes loud and obvious 
(Like a move, or a death, or a huge decision)
...and sometimes it is quiet and barely noticeable 
(Like walking by a guy in an country line dance club, or a surprise plus sign, or 
landing on a church via the internet because it starts with "A")

She is NOT covered in blood - it is the Christmas Oreo filling.

I would have never thought 3 years and 2 months ago (October, 2008), a phase was beginning and would last until now. I didn't think I was starting a bootcamp phase of change.

But it did.  And I was.

What happened way back then? What is ending now?

Pregnancy and Breastfeeding.

Yes, I was pregnant with String Bean in 2005, and Jumping bean in 2007; but I breastfed them for one month and two months (Respectively), so I had breaks in between of not sustaining life.

When I found out I was pregnant with Bitty Bean....on October 31st, 2008....just before I went out with friends as Sarah started a 38-month-long period of pregnancy/breastfeeding/breastfeeding pregnant/pregnancy/breastfeeding.

And it just ended. 

December 6th was not a remarkable day; except that was the day Boy Bean didn't nurse.  And hasn't nursed since then. It was so unremarkable - so quiet of an exit - I almost didn't notice. It has taken me a week to just have time to process the final end of this phase.

This place where I was physically made aware of my selfishness and my challenge at putting others before myself.

I never thought I would breastfeed for a whole year (Add that to the list!) - but I am so glad I did. Now, as I'm packing up my nursing cover, nursing tanks, and breast pads, it seems almost surreal.

My little beans are growing up.

Maybe, just maybe, so am I.

Ps. Extended thoughts on breastfeeding/personal anecdotes may just need to find an outlet on this blog.

Copyright 2011