My year....

It is rare that I don't have the words to put a voice to my heart - but this past year has rendered me speechless.

2013 was my least favorite.

I know this blog went much more shallow and away from my heart over the year. It was because my heart couldn't speak.

Music is such a beautiful art form - and there have been songs that perfectly captured moments from this year.

In lieu of baring my soul on this very-public-forum, I'm sharing these songs. They will tell some of the story. My story. Hard things are not what people like to talk about - we like to gloss over things and put the highlight reel up. While this post is most definitely NOT a documentary, it is a peek into something beyond the highlights.

Because I'm messy.
I'm not neat and tidy.
And neither are you.
We are all broken and shattered in some way - sometimes that way is a huge bomb that leaves you hunting through the rumble for any shred of hope....and sometimes that breaking comes in numerous hairline fractures that leave you in pain and hunting for relief.
Either way, we need HOPE. And support. And help.
And LOTS of all of those things.

This song doesn't really need an explanation - but if it resonates deeply with you RIGHT NOW - get help. Don't think the problem will magically fix itself. Don't be quiet. Don't hold your breath. Say SOMETHING.

Speak up. Be brave. Face your worst fears head on and crumple to the ground. You may fall to pieces, but keep breathing. It will hurt - everything - breathing, sleeping, talking, all of it.
But battling imaginary giants hurts worse. 
The healing can only begin when Truth is all you know.

(side note - the video for "Brave" sums up the complete awesomeness that is my Jumping Bean.)

It takes serious amounts of hard work sometimes. And fighting. Fighting for your life. But this song became a bit of an anthem over the Fall and this Spring. Sometimes the healing process has been more painful than I could have imagined - it kinda felt like stitches. The gaping wound would never heal left alone - and even though cleaning it and stitching back together hurt like crazy - it enabled healing.  They say scars fade - I would agree.

It is possible.

Don't give up.

Perhaps I will write again on here - perhaps my heart can speak again - but all I know for sure is that my heart is healing.  And this post is evidence that words are flowing again.

This is where I am now - it's an accurate love song.
Two imperfect, messy people, hanging on tight.

~Whitney Copyright 2014